Saturday, August 01, 2009

Hospital Paraphernalia

Ok here is a real conversation between an expectant mother and an expectant father.

(*Note: not me and my hubby)

One night they were laying in bed and the husband asks -why do hospitals give you the plastic box, urinals, weird curved pan and a pitcher when you leave?

Wife said because you pay for them so they give them to you; then says the urinal thing is only good for boys anyway. Is that curved pan for girl pee? What do you do with the curved pan? Both perplexed, the husband says, What's up with the box?

The wife said it must be for sponge baths or to soak your feet. The husband suggest it's just to carry all that other crap home in.
The couple (not us) is still unsure of the use of any of these items. They easily figured out the pitcher and the boy urinal but the curved pan and box/bucket thing?

The wife thinking about the hospital and the delivery of their first born and then the horror stories she's heard quickly turns to her husband and says...with all seriousness. What happens if you have to wipe my hiney? Will you wipe my behind if I am unable to? The husband confused and appalled all at the same time with no hesitation says, Absolutely Not! The wife laughing but wondering why not asks, you wouldn't if I couldn't? The husband replied No, I am paying those people to do that! I am not going to do their job! Wipe your butt, ppsshhh. Pah-leez - Do I ask them to come and sell stocks and bonds for me?

The couple pauses from their uncontrollable laughter and the husband says, I have a feeling this is going to end up on your blog for some reason.

Since this couple is not us; even though ironically the husband from the story sells stocks and the couple is expecting their first child and the wife has a's not us. But still - someone PLEASE answer for my friends what in the world that curved pan and box are for? I tried to research it on google, but only found the pan is called a Kidney Pan from some wholesale hospital supply store. I wish I could reward the first person to answer this question with something but I'm not as creative and crafty as everyone that reads this blog. Maybe I can write a haiku about you. That is as creative as I get. And my friend from the story, her and her husband don't have any talents either or they'd offer a prize.

If I get the answer I will be sure to let that couple in the above mentioned story know what it is, since it wasn't us or anything. I'll relay the message to them for you. Thanks.


Melanie said...

That tiny little kidney shaped pan is in case you need to vomit!

But that plastic box as you call it, is the only one that's actually big enough to vomit in, or at least that's what it becomes when my kiddos are sick.

I really think the big plastic pan/bucket is for you to take a sponge bath.

meredith said...

ok, i have no kids and really no clue if this is even what yall are talking about, but when i watched my mom have my sister...all the "stuff" that comes out before/during/after the birth was falling into a big plastic bucket/ pan thing. for the love of GOD i hope they dont wash those things out and send them home with you because believe me after what goes in it, it should never be used AGAIN!!! i say throw it away just in case, that "stuff" was way beyond anything you could EVER clean! just throw it away!!

Rachel said...

Thanks for the insight girls. My goodness. Who could throw up in that little pan? Surely that wouldn't give you that funky box basin thing after it's dirty. I will never ever look at that box basin thing the same now. We will be leaving it all at the hospital now.

Lauren said...

I cant stop laughing...

Like Melanie said...the kidney shaped pan is for vomit and the large pan is for the water and soap during a sponge bath. Hopefully will not need either one:-)

Leah Maria said...

Yeah, Melanie is right, the kidney pan is for you to throw up in and yes, they do send it home with you after you use it. Same goes with the pictcher they give you to throw up in (most of what you take home is for that reason). They send them home with you just in case you get sick on the ride home. I threw mine away after my surgery (no baby for me! just wanted to make that clear so no rumors would start. :)); I don't care if it's washed or not I don't want to look at that and be reminded of it.

Jennifer said...

Oh hillarious - you continue to make me laugh every day!! Thanks!

I used my square pan to put all the other stuff in to come home...and now it collects the dirty baby bath cloths and baby towels (since they get washed separately with Dreft, but are wet and I don't want to put them in my hamper). I don't still have the kidney shaped pan - not sure I ever remember seeing one of those.