Friday, July 31, 2009

To soon to feel this way

I am officially 4 months pregnant today. For some reason 16 weeks just sounds like I have eons to go until 40 weeks. Yet when I count it in months it sounds like January is around the corner....kind of. When people ask me how far along I am I usually tell them in weeks. I think I'm switching my answer to months now - It sounds like I'm further along. It's a mental thing.

I've never had a baby nor kept track of the girth of any woman throughout her pregnancy. I have no education or viable knowledge to what a person at 4 months pregnant should look like or how big their belly should be. In order to appease my keeping up with the Jones' mentality of girth I went to google and looked up images of how big ladies that are 16 weeks pregnant are - comparatively speaking of course. I came to the conclusion that everyone is different and I hope I don't look like half of them.

Here are my preconceived notions about the early months of pregnancy.

In my mind at 3 months you aren't to be showing yet. I mean really, I get my oil changed every three months how would a baby have time to even show up? It's just like the other day was May. There are 12 weeks in 3 months. That isn't even enough time to read a book from front to back...(in my world at least). It's not even enough time to accumulate a full day off in sick time at my job.

Here is the reality. It's complicated no man will ever understand it and personally I don't expect them to because I am living it and find it hard to comprehend myself.

At three months it's almost as if you want people to say something about a truly non existent sweet baby pooch only to justify the fact that you've already cleaned out your closet twice because nothing fits. You wish someone would acknowledge the fact that there is a baby in there so that you can at least not feel like the bloated Fatty McFat Butt you claim to be. You don't sleep even though you are so tired that you can't function, you eat Pop Tarts like a Tasmanian Devil, your bladder is the size of a pin head, your hormones make you cry happy tears while yelling cuss words like you have turrets.

Now here we are at 4 months and both the scale and you know that your baby weighs only ounces and something doesn't add up. Mathematically it's impossible. I work with numbers, ratios and coverages everyday and I would not approve of these numbers to send onto management.

I've had two people tell me this week that they can see my baby pooch. I've had one person tell me this week they couldn't tell yet. I was happy about both. Hello does that make me bipolar? They both are double edged swords. Thank you for recognizing my belly because my healthy baby is in there growing the flip side is thank you for telling me I'm the same even though I feel like a bloated cow. What's the right answer? I mean I want people to acknowledge my belly....maybe? kind of? Because then I can feel like a fatty for a reason.

I think it's too soon for me to be feeling this way. At what month is it appropriate for me to feel like the following?
1) I walked down a flight of stairs yesterday and was out of breath. Did you catch the part where I said DOWN the stairs? By month 6 I will need a handicapped decal to get close to the door at Wal-Mart to get on my shopping Rascal.
2) Then I was giving Katie Lou a bath the other day and bending over the tub for just that short time and it was like I had run the Boston Marathon. I had to rest on the couch with an oxygen tank for like 30 minutes.
3) I waddle. I really feel like I waddle when I walk. I've felt that way for a while now but am just now willing to admit that openly.

Then there is one more question....when does the abdominal pooch unite and become become one with the fat roll under the boobs to form one big bump I can call my baby? I know it's too soon for that because it hasn't happened. I just look like a Rolly McLump Front. NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH FRONT BUTT! I do not have front butt. I can deal with my "butt shelf" in the back a.k.a. ghetto bootie, but not front butt.

Thank you for letting me vent. Love to you all!
Have a Wonderful Weekend!


sm2 said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you! I would like to say that the waddling and the out of breath are the same for me! I'm so happy and impressed with you blogging all the time! I've got to get on the ball! have a good weekend!

l cummins said...

i do remember this time being tough - you want to say "yes, i'm pregnant" to that person in the walmart line staring and wondering if you've just gained 10 pounds for the heck of it...but on the same day you try to squeeze into your normal sized blue jeans and fasten them with a rubber band from that morning's clarion-ledger and pretend like you haven't gained any weight at all. tough through these next few weeks - when you start to feel those sweet little legs kicking on that pinhead sized bladder of yours, you won't need any of us to acknowledge or not acknowledge the fact that you're will be more real than you can ever imagine! you're such a great mom already...i can't wait to see you when he (can't a girl make a prediction?!) gets here!

Rachel said...

Thanks for the reassurance you girls give.
I have been doing well about posting, I'm trying REALLY hard! I know my mom reads every day and it helps my friends far far away (and near) live through my trials and tribulations and provide the moral support I need.
Lindsey you have every right to make predictions. I know you want a boy because if I have a girl there will be no profit margin in your aplique because her name will be so long you have to buy fabric by the bolt. :) It's so much easier to just do Hill. Ha! Kidding!

JJ and Allen said...

OK, being that we are due at the EXACT same time I think I can give you something to compare to, and I'm in the EXACT same boat. I told my mom over dinner last night that I feel weird b/c I'm at the stage where I've gained enough for people to be wondering and I can't suck it in any more, but not enough for it to be completely obvious. So I feel like people wonder exactly what Lindsay said...whether I've just gained MORE weight lately or pregnant! I'm with you on being out of breath too. Something is definitely taking some of my oxygen and I feel like pressing on my lungs, b/c I lay in bed at night and feel like I'm breathing harder than usual. I was actually going to mention that to my doc at next visit, so glad to hear I'm not alone :) It's really nice to hear someone else say the same things I'm feeling!!!