Thursday, August 13, 2009

Clean House

Yesterday I get a call from my mother in law, Joyce (Chip's stepmom). When she calls my phone she is calling from my house. I was so confused, I hear this is called pregnancy brain. Anyway, she and the cleaning lady had been at my house cleaning all day. What! Why? I mean I know my house is a wreck and I haven't done laundry in like 2 weeks. What gave it away? Chip wearing the same shirt 4 days in a row? He does that anyway. I was pleasantly surprised! What a God send! She knew what a hellacious past week and a half we'd had and it was just so unexpectedly wonderful. Then it hit me.....Oh no. She's at my house....cleaning.

Some people would think oh no they saw my holey granny panties! Some would say oh wow, all of those dishes in the sink. My owning 3 inside dogs may have thought about all the dog hair needing to be swept up. Or maybe even the bathtub looking like a filthy Cuban john boat used to cross the ocean to get to America. Not me.......the first thing that popped in my head was MY BRA!

Who cares about a stinking over the shoulder boulder holder, Right? And I mean these suckers are boulders, thanks pregnancy. Well there is a story about the bra laying out on my bathroom sink and here I go......always telling on myself. Since my blog is titled "No Really...This is my Life" I only feel it appropriate to let you know how my life truly is. Here it is guys, I'm laying it on the line.

Every morning I take my prenatal vitamin. Well, I don't take it at home because I have to let my stomach settle. You see, I wake up every morning with my sinus' draining down my throat (another pregnancy symptom) this causes me to cough, usually pretty hard. I don't know how to "hark it up" as Chip would say, so I cough. My stomach gets queasy from coughing so hard, then I brush my teeth. Chip is to the point where he told me yesterday - Seriously, stop brushing your teeth. When I brush my teeth it inevitably sets off this gag reflex. I don't have to brush hard, I don't have to brush my tongue, I just insert toothbrush and toothpaste into my mouth and gag. So you understand that my morning has to be strategically planned. Nothing to eat or drink before brushing of the teeth. Then about 30 minutes afterwards my stomach is still weak so I have to take my vitamin at work.

Ok, now you know the preface to the story. Continuing on about the bra. Everyday I wear dress clothes. Skirts, suits, etc. Most of the time they have no pockets. This causes a problem for my prenatal vitamin. I can't take it just to throw it up so I have to stick it in a special place where I won't forget to take it to work with me. This special place is my bra.

I looked for a picture online to post of what my vitamin looks like, but could not find one. I assume it's because if you saw what a PreNexa vitamin looked like you wouldn't want to take it. It's a vanilla smelling, gelly textured, brown horsepill. To put it so bluntly it looks like a terd.

So morning before last I stuck my brown vitamin in my bra and went about my morning. Went about my day. Went about my night. I forgot to take it! So when I went to get ready for bed that night I took off my bra and there was a smushed brown dookie stain in my bra. So tired, I couldn't even function to crack up laughing at my absent mindedness; I took a shower and would deal with it later.

Well shoot! I didn't know that people were coming to my house to clean! So you could imagine why my mind wasn't on dishes, dog hair, holey panties...but on my skid marked bra laying there all big and open on my bathroom counter. When I got home I saw it in the laundry room. They washed it. I felt the need to call and explain. Joyce laughed so hard and then Chip, Jane Claire, Meryl and Joyce all proceeded to pick on me. I don't think that this story will ever leave my life, at least not for a long long time.

Only me. At least I am able to laugh at my own stupidity. Therefore you are not laughing at me, you are laughing with me. Right?

7 comments:

DenKag said...

If you're laughing, then I'm laughing with you. Otherwise, I'm definitely laughing AT you. That's such a great story...and so something I would probably do.

sm2 said...

you are so funny! man, i wish someone would come clean my house without me knowing it! that wasw really sweet of joyce! as for the vitamin, i finally switched to taking mine at night after dinner- that way if it did make me sick feeling i could just sleep through it. oh, and the brushing/gagging sux. i can't even think about brushing my tongue.

Rachel said...

It's official. I am switching to taking my vitamin at night.

Melanie said...

I am def laughing with you right now!!! so funny!!! I remember the toothbrush....try not to lean over the sink. This usually kept me from gagging.

Thinking of you all and praying for the best!

JJ and Allen said...

I take mine at bedtime to avoid the nausea, etc. I keep the bottle on my bedside table where I plug my phone up every night. I still forget it occasionally but usually I notice the big bottle sitting there and it reminds me :)

Lauren said...

As usual...I'm laughing out loud and yelling at Chivas to "come read this"!!!!!!

Wifetastic said...

I got 2 cavities while pregnant b/c I couldnt brush properly.