Shopping While Pregnant

I should have taken a picture of my closet before I tried to straighten it up. I think World War III took place there. It was a tornadic mess because I got so mad at everything that doesn't fit anymore. I went shopping Sunday and found out a lot about myself and being pregnant. For those of you that have yet to have this experience grab a pen and paper to take notes.

1) Take deodorant. You need to take deodorant because for some reason every maternity store I went into A/C unit was not mechanically equipped to support the hot flashes that you endure when taking your clothes off to put more clothes on to see how they fit just to get mad and worked up while an over head heat lamp beams down on you and you get frustrated. Even the cute skinny non pregnant sales associate had the nerve to say, "hmmm, it's a little warm in here." Really? Really, 95lbs girl that has not been trying on pants that a family of 4 could easily fit into with sauna lights beaming down on you as you are gasping for breath ? I digress. Just take deodorant or wear your bathing suit. It's a workout.

2) Take a towel. This will assist with step 1 and also to help wipe away the tears when you go to try on maternity clothes that are suppose to be your 'normal' size that don't fit. I'm a big girl, no need to deny it. So here I am, oh cute jeans. I need some jeans! I will get the XL to try on. My poor thighs will never be the same. They just laughed at me as I tried so diligently to force the denim over them. I literally sat on the bench in the changing room while I dripped with sweat and asked myself as I tried to regroup........ok, so I'm in a maternity store, XL is the largest size they make and it doesn't fit. Uhhhh Where do I buy clothes? What do I do? Cry. This is where the towel comes into play. Use it to wipe off your sweaty body from forcing on clothes and wiping away those tears. Then cry a little more when the sales associate explains to you that they make plus size for maternity. Shut up. So, not that I'm whale-ish enough you mean to tell me that they have bigger sizes for big people who are initially big but get bigger. Take a moment to absorb that. So I went to that section and found a pair of jeans. They fit. I was going to be ok, my ego was just a little beaten up but that's ok. It is better than walking around naked. You all will just get tired of seeing me wear these jeans everyday but just think of the alternative. Naked.

3) Wear tennis shoes. My ankles didn't swell one bit. No kankles for me, which is rare these days. I guess I wear my flip flops 24-7 and they just don't give the support I need.

4) Go to Babies R Us first. This should actually be step 1. I have discussed this with a couple of friends before on how in order to work there you must be between the ages of 12 and 22. I'm not sure if their target market is the overwhelming population of teen mothers or preparing your patience to be a parent for kids immature antics. I made the mistake of going there last for the day, after the heat stroke from trying on clothes and my sense of humor had deteriorated. Here I am bee-bopping in the crib section when a cute little freckled employee thought it would be funny to tell a grandma who is overly excited about buying her first grandchild's crib for her house that he was sorry, they don't sell furniture on Sunday. She was confused....he thought he was being funny....and she thought he was being serious -- it was just annoying. For those of you confused......they sell furniture on Sunday.

5) Get a Belly Band! I cannot stress this enough. Buy a belly band. It's such a wonderful heaven sent piece of panty hose material that makes all your clothes fit again. You don't even have to be pregnant. It's so simple and so great that I wish I'd have bought it a long time ago or better yet, invented it. I can walk around with my pants undone and you won't even know it. Chip asked if it was ok for my zipper to be undone too and I said probably not, but mine is because I can. This thing keeps all of my unmentionables under wraps. It is so special it makes me feel like I'm secretly cheating on my husband. Heck, I wish I knew about this contraption pre pregnancy when I was between sizes. This is right up there with the Mommy Boppy Pillow. It's a must have. I love you belly band, you are my best friend.

I hope you all have learned the do's and don'ts of shopping during pregnancy. This was my first go round and what I took away from the experience. If anything, maybe I have helped you avoid a little less stress during this wonderfully awkward time of your life. Good Luck.