You see last night I just wasn't that hungry. I drank a glass of orange juice and later had a bowl of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate syrup then went to bed. When I woke up this morning I had a big non alcoholic mimosa (oj and sprite) so by 11:15 it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was famished. I had psyched myself up for Pizza Hut for lunch. I'd been wanting their buffet for like 2 weeks and finally had to give in. I called up my friend JJ (who is also with child) and said how about the Hut? She said sure...let's do 12:30. No prob. I could make it an hour and 15 minutes. No prob. Well about 11:45 is when trouble started. My stomach let out such a huge growl like I've never heard before. It was one of three things either Hill screaming at me or Hill eating my insides or worse....a monster.
I got concerned. I only could think about my poor baby. I have deprived him of nutrients. I selfishly didn't eat anything once I got hungry mid-morning because I wanted to save room for dessert pizza and cinnamon sticks. Then I started thinking about how scary for him. He can hear everything. What if he wasn't screaming at me or eating my insides but heard the roar of my tum tum and thought it was a monster? I mean the growl of my stomach even caught me off guard and I'm 29 years old not 20 weeks old.
So I felt bad for my little man. In order to make it up to him I called JJ and asked if we could meet a little before 12:30. She agreed and we met. I ate a huge salad, ate pizza, then more pizza, then had dessert pizza and cinnamon sticks and 2 Pepsi's. I know, that's a ton of food, but hush - - it was to appease Hill for the trauma he had endured. I thought I was making it up to him. Little did I know that would just make him mad. I had withered him away to nothing then suffocated him with greasy carbs. He had every right to be mad.
I have suffered too. I have taken on the fiery pits of my stomach as it tried to rise to the top of my throat. I have taken every deserved Karate Kid move that Hill knows. I have taken the unsettled pizza stomach since lunch. I have uncomfortably endured the rumblin' in my tumblin' this afternoon.
UNCLE! TRUCE! MERCY! LET ME BE!
You win, Hill. I will never selfishly not eat because I'm not hungry. I will never over stuff myself until misery for us both. I vow these things as your mother. Now please, mommy loves you and just wants everything to be happy. We can start anew tomorrow. Do you want me to sing to you? I'll take the nudge you just gave me as a big "spare me lady."