Monday, November 16, 2009

Comfort & Joy....and Earthquakes

Weird post title huh?
I bring you tidings of comfort and joy...and a little bit of embarrassment. What else do you expect from me?
I do mean Christmas tidings, just not in the same sense as you all do.

You see if you knew my mother in law she was all about nick names. Everything had a sub name like those dark hairs that randomly come up on your chin or neck, they are called Hilda Goats. She called earrings the old name of ear bobs and then panties, step in's. My mom even uses funny things like calling gas stations u totems. Those silly ladies!

Yet, there are some others that Adrienne probably wasn't as open to talk I am. For example, Christmas. Christmas, I assume, is a term that was probably coined when Jane Claire and Chip were babies. It is still used around our house and I have adopted it and will probably carry it on over to Hill. Most parents use generic names for Christmas, not the Hawkins. Don't be confused because this 'Christmas' isn't why we are all setting trees up, buying gifts for, celebrating Jesus' birthday, or making fruit cakes. I was so confused when I first heard them say something about their Christmas. What are they talking about???

Christmas may be known around your house as privates, wee wee, tt, boo boo, amongst other silly onomatopoeias.

Rachel, why are you talking about this in public? Aaahhhhhgggg! The embarrassment, these people will never think of Christmas the same! I've ruined it!

So I mention all of this to further explain the inside humor of my post title in the spirit of 'Christmas' - "comfort and joy." I am experiencing comfort and joy because I got new "step ins" this weekend. I figured it was time, I have a doctor’s appointment today and after my last unannounced exam I didn't want to embarrass my husband again by wearing holey granny panties. Now I am embarrassing myself because my goodness these that I bought are ginormous! Dr. North will think there is a circus going on! They are a tent! Shooo, I just though I had been wearing granny panties before! Look out Grandma Moses!

Not that you all care, but this is my blog and I am talking, I usually buy the high cut briefs. They provide me with the big bootie coverage I need and don't stick out the back of my pants. BUT THIS TIME.....I opted out of the high cut and got the regular kind in an unheard of size that I had to probably pay $1 extra per X, but they promised no wedgies and I was sold. Sign me up twice! Well, today I put them on for the first time. I cracked up laughing as I looked in the mirror. Whoa! Call Playboy, we've got a cover model! It was a sight, even Chip laughed. Not only do they 'fully' cover my 31 week pregnant belly, my ghetto bootie and my child bearing hips (and stick out the back of my pants)....they could be used to help put out kitchen fires...possibly forest fires, they could help you sail around the world, you could rake leaves into them to carry out to the road, you could use them as a blanket on a cold night amongst other helpful things that other panties may not do.

With all this panty bashing, I have to say I am experiencing extreme comfort & joy. You will never look at me the same, and I'm ok with that. This may just be a temporary pregnancy thing, but it may not. If you see my panties sticking out the back of my pants come February or'll have your answer.

So I wish you all 'Christmas' tiding of comfort & joy!

Then, the earthquake part of my title is in my belly. Even lying in bed on my left side this morning it's as if Hill was sky diving from my right side and landing full force on my left side with a HUGE ker plunk. I think the bed moved a couple of times from him running around. This child of mine might be a sumo wrestler, King Kong, a ninja, or a hurdle jumper. As I've said before, he's probably not going to be athletic when he gets out of my tum tum, but in the mean time he certainly wins the Olympic title in all of the above categories.

He may be a drummer. I did notice as the band played (not Dixie) at the football game Saturday, Hill sure was into the music. He is his fathers’ son being into all types of music and his grandfather, the drummers, grandchild. Maybe I'll get Charlie to play for us and see what he does.

So glad you all came to get up close and personal with me this fabulous Monday morning. You never ever know what words my fingers will type, what hilarious things have gone on since my last post, what goes on in this weird little head of mine. Leave it to me to say it out here, to you, publicly.

Remember tonight is Monday Night Child Birthing Class! I hope to have great stories about it!


Jan Johnson said...

You are just too much Rachel, how hilarious! :)

Tara said...

You are so funny! You were truly meant to be a Hawkins :)