Duty Calls

Yesterday I was called for jury duty.  What an experience.  This was my first time to be called and I was more than willing to do my duty as a registered voter.  I had no idea of what to expect so I went in with an open mind.  Since the courthouse is under construction they held the selection process at the local Coliseum.  The chairs were lined up by the millions it seemed and no less than half the county was there.  They were selecting the jurors for the month not just the week.  I didn't expect things to work how they did, but what do I know, I'm new.  So, of course like any other person outside their comfort zone I went and sat next to someone I knew. 

We were all asked to stand against the wall and sit down once our name was called so that we could be accounted for.  Surprisingly there were a lot of people that didn't show up, even though half the county was still present.  Jury duty calls people out of the wood work.  There were some rare breeds there and so once my name was called I had to sit ontop of next to this lady that smelled like tamales, and not in a good way.  Thank goodness the lady to the right of me had on a nice perfume that masked, but didn't cover the tamale lady.  So once everyone was called and had their seat the excuses began.  Do you want to opt out if you are over 65, do you own your own business and being a juror would cause money difficulties or your business to shut down, can you not read or write, were you probed by aliens, or do you have a massive problem with acid reflux that causes you to burp deep loud gurggling belches repeatedly into the direction of the person sitting next to you?

Oh, yes.  The tamale lady had the acid reflux issue.  Every burp made my gag reflex trigger.  She told me from the get go of her issue and I'm not sure how I replied to that because I was in such shock from her repeated mouth expulsions.  So, as she sat there with her B.O. infested arm raised to give her excuse I was praying they would call on her since she didn't qualify for the 65 and older category, which I was surprised about.  They went row by row and by the time they got to her they somehow started skipping around.  The nice perfume lady next to me tried to keep me grounded.  For a minute I thought she thought I was the one burping...then I think she saw my face and realized it was not me. 

Wow.  I'm not trying to speak ill of someones misfortune, but seriously, seek medical attention.  So finally they called on the burping tamale lady that was making my shirt smell like her arm pits - we were that close - she said that she has acid reflux and is a diabetic and she also has to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes which would cause her to not be able to sit on a jury.  They dismissed her back to the wood work.
The day ended up eventful, educational and enlightening.  I can now say I've been called to jury duty and am fulfilling my duty as an American citizen.  I will also say that if tamale lady were to enter a belching contest.  My dibs are on her any day! 

Blach! (that was my gag refelx)