Friday, August 05, 2011

Can You Hear Me Now? Yes, It's Just Your Personality...

I expected no less than to have a fantastic Friday....given our big days every day this week.  I had an ear doctor follow up appointment in Jackson.  For those of my long time readers and friends you know the awful awful problems I've had with my ears over the past 5 years and then finally they figured out what was wrong in March 2007.  After inner ear reconstruction on both ears over a 2 year span due to cholesteatomas I still have follow up appointments annually.

Dr. House, no not the British arrogant hunk that plays a doctor on TV, but Dr. House my ear doctor that has allowed me to not have to wear hearing aids or learn sign language, is my hero.  Not being able to hear well was probably one of the most frustrating times in my life...more so than living in Ecuador and not knowing what in the world anyone was least I could hear them even if they didn't speak my language.  More frustrating that having a husband that owns more boats than the Queens fleet.  Anyway, praise Dr. House I'm good now.

While I waited in his office this morning I got to catch up on all the gossip magazines in the lobby - that was fun - I never ever know what's going on in the world of Hollywood anymore because Mickey Mouse and Sprout Channel rule the TV.  I didn't know that J-Lo left Mark Anthony, pure entertainment.  Going to the doctor sort of became like a retreat.  Sick, I know.

Dr. House came in and looked at my ears.  I'm a freak of nature and think it's awesome to get the wax cleaned out of your ears.  It feels good in like a tense-don't-hit-my-eardrum-or-breathe kind of way.  My ears always itch afterwards, but I like it.  I always want to look at it, but am too embarrassed to ask.  I have asked before and I think they thought less of me.  It's like when you get your eyebrows waxed and you want to look at all the hair that came off...or when you blow your nose and you look at it.  You know you do that...don't lie.  Whatever, pretend I didn't talk about that. 

So, my tube is still in my left ear, but my right ear tube has fallen out.  He didn't see the need to put a new one back in just yet unless I have problems with it later.  I asked how everything else looked and he hesitated and said, "good...but if any other doctor were to look in your ears they would freak out, it's like a train wreck.  You have a lot of scar tissue and it looks bad, but it's ok, everything is going ok."  He still wants me to come back once a year.  I don't think I have anything to be worried about, but he said he wants to keep track of any changes or developments.  I feel like an ear science project or a lab rat sometimes.  Maybe I need to get one of those rats that has an ear growing on it's back.  I can relate to him sometimes, well not really, but it would be neat to have a rat with a human ear on it's back wouldn't it.  Great party conversation.

Since I think Dr. House is the guru of all ear issues and knows everything there is to ever know about ears I asked him about Hill and the odds of him having ear issues with his cleft lip.  I'd always been told he'd inevitably have ear problems...all cleft lip and/or palate babies do.  Dr. House said he didn't see why just the lip would cause eustuchian tube issues especially since he hasn't had severe ear problems in his first two years.  So a big ol' yay and hope he doesn't get his mama's ears...he got everything else from his daddy, the looks, the Flintstone / shoebox shaped feet, the short legs and no maybe he got his inner ears too.

I also told him I was really self conscious that I talk loud.  I know I'm loud, I wish I knew how to be quiet.  Dr. House told me how he has moms come bring their kids into the clinic all the time because they are so loud and they scream and turn the tv up loud...they must be moms like me that webmd the crap outta things...anyway, he said these kids never have ear problems, it's just their personality.  With that said he implied that I'm loud because it's just the way I am.  I think that will be the title of my first children's book, I'm loud because that's just the way I am - By Rachel Hawkins. 

As I was walking out of the doctors office an old lady was getting out of the elevator.  She was a cute little thing - I LOVE old people. So I waited on her to slowly use her cane to come through the doctors office door in her brilliantly colored blue shirt and red lipstick.  She was "presh" wanted to keep her in my pocket. I commented on how I loved her sunglasses, which she was still wearing - in the building - to the 8th floor - on the elevator - the whole time. They were really cute.  They were big, but not overwhelming and were white, grey and black.  Very classy and chic.  She said in her sweet old lady voice that I want to bottle up and keep on a shelf and open and listen to when I'm sad..."well thank you dear, I've had them about four.....................forty years, well maybe thirty five years."  "Seriously," I said.  "You've kept up with the same pair of sunglasses for 40 years?!  I'm doing good going 6 months with the same pair!"  I think this lady needs a spot in Guinness Book of World Records.  I bet she keeps rubber bands, twist ties and panty hose too.  My grandma did - it's from being a product of the depression era. 

Now if that wasn't weird enough for you...I went to eat lunch then hopped across the street to DSW shoe store.  I had gone in there a year ago and bought the best pair of shoes I've ever owned.  They were Corinthian leather, I wanted to be buried in them.  Ok, so I'm kidding, they were Aerosoles, dress heels, black, probably made of fine 'pleather', yet a staple in my wardrobe.  One day about 2-3 months ago there was only one shoe to be found.  I assumed that a certain toddler put one of them in a "special place" like the garbage.  I was sad, but figured it would show up.  After I cleaned my closet last weekend I came to terms that it was gone.  Into DSW I went...what would the odds be of me finding on old shoe, totally last years style, ever again.  I accepted that I would just have to get this years style but same shoe brand, etc.  They had nothing.  No black heel in Aerosole no nada in the whole store.  I felt like the kid that gets picked last for kickball teams, you know that empty gut feeling.  The worker suggested that since it was "last year's" shoe I go check the clearance rack.  I needed a size 7, sad no luck.  They guy was trying to find me something comparable and I appreciated it, but I wanted 'my shoe.'  He took me to the size 7 1/2 aisle to show me a shoe and God Beams came shooting out from the ceiling.  My Shoe!  My last year style shoe was there in a box above the shoe he was trying to show me.  SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  I bought them for like $50 less than what I paid for them last year.  Silly to you I know, but I think I totally see where Hill is coming from with his shoe obession.  If you love it you don't want to lose it.  I think I will start sleeping in my shoes like Hill does.  That way I know where they are at all times.

I wonder if my readers think to themselves....does she really run into old ladies with sungalsses that were bought before she was even born? Do the insides of her ear really look like a train wreck (yes and it required them to cut my ears off!! - - My right ear was sliced off twice, once when I was 6 and my cat jumped on my head - different story for a different time) Yes, I have random stuff happen 24-7...even as a child. Everything that happened in this post happened between the hours of 10 am and noon.  A two hour span.  This truly is my life.  My random life.  I can't make this stuff up.  Only me.  Now, I bet you're wondering if I'm really going to sleep in my shoes - - - aren't ya?


Melanie said...

Love reading your blog!!! You're honesty about the craziness of life is so so refreshing and hilarious!

jamielee79 said...

i still don't remember how I found you on the interweb buttttttttttt i like knowing i'm not the only whack job (i mean that is a good way) that wierd things happen to.