Thursday, October 15, 2009

Clockwork

Ok, so this pregnancy has been like clockwork when it comes to all the things I read vs. all the things that happen to me. I guess that is good news that I'm on track and what not so I truly can't complain.

My canned response when people ask me how I feel is "I can't complain." I had one lady tell me, well, you could complain if you wanted to. Now is the time to get away with it.
She is right. I feel like right now I could get away with all but murder....too bad I don't have the energy! Not to murder, but do anything in general.

I read the third trimester is somewhat like the first. Lethargic, a little queasy, sleepless nights. Well those fairies have arrived. They must have missed me because they are pouring it on thick. I forgot about the ol' Emotional Mathematic fairy...he makes every emotion multiply and magnified by 10. It's total drama.

However, this time they did bring along a new fairy I hadn't read about named Poo Poo Head. He is the one that makes everything blah. Work, blah. Home, blah. Driving, blah. Teaching, blah. Even thinking about feeding myself becomes a chore that I don't want to deal with. Poo Poo Head is taking over and I'm not to happy about it. I guess the fact that I am aware of it means I can try to do something about it...but he's really strong and I am so weak. Motivation has been sucked out of me like the straw I drink my delicious fountain cokes from.
I'm up for any advice...drugs...acupuncture...scripture...dark rooms to hide in. Maybe all of the above?

I try to think of happy things like I get to see Chip today after 10 days of missing him. I am having fun with my friend Sukie as she helps me to design Hill's birth announcements. Hill is having a baby shower on Sunday, he is so loved! I had fun last night making petit fores with my friend Whitney. I had a great time in Texas. I have a job. I have food, water, shelter, clothes, people that love me.

I try to not take things for granted even though I'm a grouch. I posted a sign above my computer that says "It is really NOT a big problem" so that my blood doesn't start to boil over silly things and stupid people. Remember Emotional Mathematic Fairy is in full effect.

Wouldn't it be funny if I changed my voicemail to say, "I'm sorry I cannot get to the phone right now. I am screening your calls as to not bite your head off during our conversation. Please leave a very detailed message so I know if you are being stupid or just flat out dumb. Have a wonderful day!" Ok, so it's really not that bad...I'm exaggerating. Sure is funny though. I doubt HR would approve of that message though.

I guess just everything is overwhelming and I'm not too good at not having control of things (be quiet, I hear you laughing from here). I'd ask for help, but not too sure what all I need to be doing, much less what the culprit of my stress manifestation is (hormones?). I think I'm just really tired. My body feels like a donkey that has had to lug some diva's over sized Louis Vuitton luggage to the top of Mt. Everset just to realize she forgot her hair dryer at the bottom of the mountain. Ok, did that make any sense? I'm delusional and must go now.

....just venting and being a drama queen.

Maybe it's my Louis Vuitton luggage I'm carrying myself? But I don't own Louis Vuitton luggage. It would probably have wheels on the bottom to make things simpler anyway.

4 comments:

sm2 said...

If you find the solution to PooPoo Head, you let me know. I kinda think some sunshine wouldn't hurt us though. Love you and feel your pain!

Rachel said...

Susan, not that I'm glad you are going through this too...I thought I had some severe head trauma or something and it's nice to hear there are other mentally anguished pregnant girls in a 120 mile radius.
I agree that this rain has GOT to give. Makes me feel dreary.
Love you too!

Cortni said...

I know how your feeling.. but think of it this way.. when you hold precious, sweet, little Hill in your arms... you will say.. "It was all worth it." :) I hope it does get better though...

Anonymous said...

i say bitch and moan as much as you want and guess what, i would still read it every night! yes, i am a stalker =)
love u,
may