Monday, March 12, 2007

birth blog

Last week we talked about my ear issue and how skinny I used to be, but I'm ok with those things. I'm keeping my new found Positive Attitude that I made for new year's. I'm proud of myself - I think I have done well trying to see the good in things and realizing that only I can make a difference in the things I do and don't like in my life.

(I wrote this blog and then re read it, just so everyone knows, I am not sad or hold any grudges, The things I will talk about are now seen as humorous and is why I can write about them.)

One thing I don't have control over is my birthday. For some reason this year I was happy it was my birthday - it was going to be a good day and I prepped myself for it. Friends took me to dinner the week of, made me brownies, sent me cards. It was a nice hype. I always receive the 1st call from my mom, which I did. The day went on and I received calls from friends and in laws it was nice. I worked in the yard, which is what I wanted to do, and ate Chippy steaks that were PERFECTLY how I wanted it to taste and then passed out on the couch, early. So really things went how I planned in my head. It was an ok day, a tiff here and there which didn't 'totally' ruin my day, but set me back a little. I truly thought this year would be different. Now what I'm about to say is not negative by any means because it's the norm and I have accepted it over the past many many ...many years. I thought maybe my dad would remember to call. He didn't, but this is now the, oh I lost count year that he didn't call. That is what I have come to expect. What I didn't expect was a card in the mail from him, which was a step in the right direction and accepted happily. I called him Sunday to thank him and he said he didn't do much this past weekend just hung around and grilled out......which is better than the "I was watching TV" excuse he had about 3 years ago. But this comment is not meant derogatory - it's now humorous. It's a yearly bet that I take dibs on.

I realized this year that birthdays don't mean as much as they should, or maybe as much as I want them to. Growing up mom was always like THIS IS YOUR DAY! Which I always believed. I still do. I have received a few calls yesterday and today - "OH I'm the worst friend in the world, I feel so bad I didn't call" But really, it's ok. I promise. I had a good day and am now a year older and wiser and plan to take complete advantage of my wisdom.

2007 has been an odd year thus far. I wasn't really expecting much out of it since I had a surgery right off the bat, expecting another one on my ear, not living a normal married life, holding more responsibility than I care to amongst other things, but it has taught me a lot in these short lived past 2 1/2 months. Only I can make things what they need to be in my life. Sounds so simple, but I just now figured it out and how to control it. Sure I have to play with the cards I'm dealt, but it's my job on how I want to make the most of them. I'm trying really really hard to do the right things. We shall see how the rest of the year goes. I'm expecting changes. Positive changes that I can control.

On a different note:
One of the things I have to get off my chest that it has been brought to my attention that I am rude and sarcastic in a bad way. Everyone I have ever met has been a victim of my degrading humor which is meant to be funny - Yet, I am not funny. I apologize to anyone I have ever offended or caused to "roll their eyes" at me. This aspect of me probably won't change or else I will never have the opportunity to speak again. So, I apologize for the past and in advance. I look forward to another 26 years of raw unedited humor! Oh if you could see the evil smirk on my face. Just to let everyone know things are changing, it is my mindset, not necesarily who I am. I like me, why would I redo that?

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