Thursday, May 19, 2011

Elusive - Pre Surgery Emotion...

I've been a bit elusive this past week.  Do you ever feel like you are a hamster in a wheel just going and going and not making much progress?  That's what I feel like.  I've been super busy but at the same time have no idea what I've been so busy with.  I guess I'm just a bit mentally overwhelemed.  I think maybe I've been suppressing my anxiety about Hill's surgery and my energy has been focused in about 13,000 other directions that I've just 'spent' myself.  I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, I'm not one to sugar coat though, I just simply feel the need to document my feelings for other cleft moms that read my blog.  Anxiety can almost be like a greiving process.  Everyone handles it differently.  This is for sure a different wave if emotion compared to his first go round.  How can I explain it?  The first surgery can be summed up as spastic.  I was a mess.  Chip was an emotional basket case.  Not to belittle this go round because we are both a nervous wreck, but not so much spastic.  Maybe numb is the word?  I don't mean numb as in a dark nonchilant or oblivious to the situation type of way, but numb as in foggy...unable to process exactly how I feel.

Tomorrow is the big day.  Surgery numero 2.  Hopefully the finale.  I know I will have an all new chain of emotions to follow post surgery.  Pray for us.

What's the plan?  We leave today to head to Memphis and spend the night so that we can arrive at 6:00 am at LeBohneur East for Hill to get checked in.  His surgery is at 7:15 and Dr. Shell says we will be on our way home around lunch.  Everytime I say that, "we will be on our way home around lunch" it just amazes me.  This is an out patient surgery.  A simple little lip repair where they will even out the pink parts of his lips and level everything out.  That's it, so simple and so life changing.  Recovery time is 2 weeks. Mama Lou is coming in on Sunday to help take care of him next week and then Chip and Mrs. Cornelia will alternate the following week.  Of course we will have follow up appointments and I will let you all know when those are.  I know he will miss all of his little school friends and teachers up at First Baptist the two weeks he's out. Maybe once he's feeling good we can take him to see his friends.

Ok team.  I'm off.  We are leaving for Memphis now.  I will update as soon as I can.  Pray, Pray, Pray...I know you all are and I am thanking you in advance for them. 

In the mean time I leave you with a picture from last week of Hill resting on the sidewalk before swimming lessons.  He's such a fashion guru with his lime green crocs and swim diaper.


jamielee79 said...

I've been reading your posts and following the tale of the cute little monster. I'll certainly keep Hill in my prayers. Good luck mom and dad, be strong during this long day!

Jennifer said...

Praying for y'all!!

MeganMR said...

Good luck to you guys tomorrow. I understand your emotions before surgery as I have been through it too. Overwhelmed, yes. Unproductive, yes. Spastic, numb... yes. I've realized that this is what happens to me when surgery is coming up. BUT when that day and when it's happening, I switch modes. I become an advocate, somehow I can think clearly again, be strong and do what I need to do.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.