Mothers Day and Random Jib Jab

So Mother’s Day has come and gone. It fell on Sunday, May 13th this year. I woke up to Hill’s monitor repeating, “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy.” So I went and got my little bugga boo out of his crib to snuggle. Chip woke up and said, “Sorry, we didn’t get you anything…not even a card.” It didn’t matter to me. I don’t get my feelings hurt that easy and honestly I don’t know of anything I need or want anyway so I’m over it. That’s the beauty of mine and Chip’s relationship. You know how some people are givers…well we are more financial hoarders when it comes to expenses, even the tiny ones. I guess it’s good if we are both that way, but if one of us wasn’t then it may be a problem.

It was funny when people asked me what I’d gotten for Mother’s Day and I’d say, “nothing…was I supposed to get something?” The looks on their faces was priceless. Chip did cook me a brisket, that’s my favorite so I guess I did get something; plus the day before JJ and I went to Starkville to Dirt Cheap and the movies. That was a nice little get away and I’ll take that as a Mother’s Day gift.

I don’t think I’ve written this yet, but JJ is having a little girl! We are all wondering what we will do with little girls since we are so use to our little boys! I don’t find out until next month though but Chip seems to think it’s a girl and Hill says he wants a sister. I know that we’ll love a girl no doubt, but we’ll have to learn to be frilly and actually brush our children’s hair. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Personally I’ve had dreams that it’s a boy but I have no inclination either way.

This week was the busiest week that I’ve had in a long time. Work wise and personal wise. The great news is that I’m at Week 13 which is the end of the 1st Trimester hump….and it is quite evident in the way I’m feeling. I’m not as vomity which is fantastic because these past couple of months have been hellacious.

After my Rotary meeting Monday I was able to put another notch in my calendar. Only 4 more regular meetings as El Presidente until the Rotary Ann Banquet when I hand over the gavel….but who’s counting? I was happy to meet with the incoming President to give her my binder filled with information so that she doesn’t have to reinvent the wheel (ha, no pun intended…get it…the Rotary wheel) Whatever, hanging around those old men must have changed my corny sense of humor.

Tuesday night I had a Junior Auxiliary Projects meeting. This is my last year in JA. Hard to believe that this will wrap up 6 years of membership at the end of April, this will be my 6th Charity Ball! To me not being in JA after this year will be bitter sweet. I am so in love with what JA does for our community and its’ children and its people that I still hope to be somewhat involved even though I won’t be an active member. I will miss seeing all my girls often, but the friendships I’ve made in JA have really really helped me make Kosciusko my home. Even though JA gives so much to this area it has in turn taught me so much as a person, friend and citizen of this great community. Ugh, so fabulous there are no words.

Wednesday, was Hill’s end of year party at school. He will stay in the same class until August but some of his little friends will be out for the summer and one of his teachers, Ms. Shonda, is taking the summer off. We’ve had a great year with super great teachers, Ms. Shonda & Ms. Devin have been fabulous! Hill has blossomed so much and even thought I hate to admit this out loud, the other day Hill broke my heart. I asked him if he wanted to stay home with Mommy or if he wanted to go to school every day. He was a little too quick to tell me that he wants to go to school to be with his friends. Since I was certain that he didn’t understand the question I asked him again later that day…again, he didn’t skip a beat, he wanted his friends.

I have a great job, with a great company and a great boss and love what I do, Hill is right. I need to keep on keeping on. As much as I’d love to plan craft time at home once we wake up from afternoon nap or arrange play dates with other moms…Hill wants to have craft time with his friends at school instead and play with them all day – Not me. I’m over it he’s already grown up and moved out and is on his own, Mr. Independent. I’m getting empty nest already and he’s only 2.

Thursday, May 17th was a really busy and great day. That morning my fellow Rotarian, Hollee, and I went out to Attala Corporate Childcare to do post testing on the class that our Rotary club adopted. As President you get to have fundraisers and/or pick a project and I chose Mississippi Public Broadcasting’s Between the Lions to help locally promote literacy. I was able to apply and receive grant funds to make this project happen. This project and these kiddos became my baby this past year. The curriculum targets 4-5 year olds and the director out at Attala Corporate was so kind and willing to take on the newness and challenge and implement this fantastic program into her facility. The curriculum is fascinating and so educational and makes learning fun. There are books associated with the different lessons and each week a Rotarian goes out and reads to the kiddos. We LOVED doing this as much as the kids LOVED having books read to them. We received no less than 45,589,236 hugs during the past year and it was so rewarding. THE BEST PART…when Hollee and I tallied the post test results 11 out of 12 children increased their scores (some drastically) in just the past 6 months. I’m pretty sure I cried happy tears a) because I’m hormonal and b) because I’m so glad to visibly see this project making a difference in these precious kid’s lives. Reading is so important and children need to start early! Please know that none of this could have happened without the wonderful director and teacher at Attala Corporate. Mrs. Banks is to be commended. I am so proud! This project will continue for 2 more years and I am just so freaking excited about it!

So as if that wasn’t great enough news, the icing on the cake was that it was the third Thursday of the month…do you know what that means? It means it’s my 3rd favorite day of the month…BOOK CLUB NIGHT! My first favorite day of the month is always payday, my second favorite day of the month is when my Southern Living Magazine arrives in the mail and then Book Club night is my third favorite day of the month. Just so you know my priorities. I’d picked the book the previous month. It was recommended by my BFF Meredith. It was called Zeitoun by Dave Eggers and I really enjoyed it. You never know what everyone likes to read because we all have such different tastes, but I think the people that read it enjoyed it. I’m a non-fiction lover and some of the ladies like a good fiction book. Overall I was pleased with the outcome because for some reason picking the book stresses me out.

I love the ladies in my book club. They are ladies that I never get to see but love to hang out with. I really look forward to the time we get to spend together every third Thursday.

Blogger on my phone won't let me post pictures throughout my post so here they all are blobbed together in no real order at the end.... but they seem pretty self explanatory.

A few pictures of Hill's end of school year party.

When JJ and i went to Starkville there was a lady that looks like my mom in Walgreens. Flipped me out a little how identical they are

For your viewing pleasure a picture of my funky leg rash.

Some days in Mississippi we ride cows to school.

Our local relay was in May and here is a picture of the beautiful luminaries.

Then there is the Oh So Gross snake that Chip killed in our front yard.

Coast Trip And Productivity

Friday, May 4th, we went to the coast and had lunch with Jane Claire and I got to hang out with her for a little bit before we headed to the condo to meet our friends from Meridian, the Baird’s, there. Before the Baird’s arrived I had a nice polite talk with the lady downstairs to not call security on us as she has the past 2 times we’ve been there, as I was not in the mood for her shenanigans. My mother always said to kill people like her with kindness. I did, even though she said that it’s because we are “heavy set” that we walk harder and therefore disturb her. If I’m lying I’m dying I swear to you I did not punch her in the face. Hill was with me or the scenario may have gone differently. I told her how impolite that was and she said, “Oh not you, your husband.” I said I do not care who you are talking about – you don’t say that to people. She assured me that there is nothing wrong with being “bigger” and I said well obviously there is and stomped my large impregnated tail up the stairs. I dislike her a lot.

So Friday night I stuffed my heavy set face at the Jourdan River Steamer and hung out with the owners, they are so fun. If we lived down there they would probably be our BFFs. Saturday Wes and Chip fished while Bridget, Ella, Hill & I hung out. We ate at the Waffle House which is a breakfast mecca for pregnant people (Bridget is due in August.) After breakfast we went to the Children’s Museum which was the perfect weekend because it was the museums 14th birthday! So they had all kinds of activities and outdoor concerts…and cake. It was nice.

Saturday night we went and ate at some yuck-o restaurant. Seriously, I have never walked out of a restaurant to my car and headed straight for the ditch to puke. It was not ok. I was not ok. I may have vomited out my baby. I was telling this story to my mom and you know what her response was? I crack up thinking about it…her response was not “Oh, no how awful. I’m so sorry you got so sick.” Her response was “Oh, no how embarrassing!”

Once that was out of my system I was ok. I vowed to Jesus that if I survived I’d never to eat marinara sauce again. I’d pleaded similar situations to him before and he’d never let me down even though he knows I never keep my word.

Sunday we took the kiddos out on the boat. It was hot. Hill and I like riding in the boat…but not so much sitting there waiting for fish to eat our bait. The guys wanted the kids to catch a fish. It took forever to catch one. Once they did catch one I was happy because that meant we could drive the boat around and feel the breeze in our face. Bbbzzz, wrong! In a man’s world that means, Oh! A fish bite, there must be more - - let’s sit here longer and try to catch more fish as our wives and children self-combust into a fiery inferno! Six years later we returned to the dock and ate lunch and Hill and I headed home to Kosciusko since Chip had to stay behind for work reasons. It was a good weekend. Very exhausting. Hill and I were glad to be home to play with our puppies and sleep in our own bed.

Sunday afternoon I caught word that one of our beloved local doctor, Gary Holdiness, was killed in a bicycling accident on the Natchez Trace. Not only was Gary was an avid cyclist, but very safety oriented. He helped advocate the 3ft law in Mississippi for cyclists. He will be missed by many. Please keep his family in your prayers as they endure their journey through life without their rock.

I always thought that he thought Hill was the most adorably precious child ever conceived. He was his doctor when Hill was in the hospital with pneumonia at 9 months. He was concerned about Hill’s wellbeing as if Hill were his own child. When we go see Dr. Carter (which is fairly often) Gary would always peek in at his favorite most beautiful little man. Not that I’m disappointed to know that Hill wasn’t his only favorite little man after the many many stories I’ve heard about his other friends and patients – it just goes to prove that Gary had that impact on so many – like you were the only one, you had his whole undivided attention and you are without a doubt special. Rejoice as he has met his maker. The one he longed to be with one day, we just never assumed it to be so soon. Thank you for being an angel here on earth and saving so many both physically and spiritually.

As the air was somber Monday, the Rotary Club met up at the local hospital. It is undergoing complete renovation and is almost finished. We got to be the first group to tour it and eat lunch. Not too sure if this is something to be proud of, but I was the first person ever to be served at the new cafeteria. Food was great and facility is absolutely amazing. Our community should be extremely proud to have a facility of such great caliber.

Then Monday night, May 7th, for the first time in over 2 months I had a feeling of self-worth. Most of you know my mentality is productivity productivity productivity 24-7 leave nothing undone as there is always something to be done! Well since this child has been living in me I have been a Grinch that loafs around in a funk. I figured out that if I can muster up the energy (and gumption) then if I do something productive I actually feel good about my life. We recently purchased a house to be redone and possibly rented or resold depending on the alignment of the stars. Well the first order of business is to get a new front door. What Chip failed to do (because I want to blame him it’s easier that way) is get a door that has been stained and finished. So as much as I was dreading staining the door I actually enjoyed it and felt like I had served a purpose other than gestating. All I have to say is thank 8 pound baby Jesus for being a carpenter and showing his skills to others so that they could be his angelic disciples and finish this project so I don’t have to worry with it. Amen.

Wednesday, May 9th, I actually straightened up the house and folded the monstrous pile of clothes and put them all away before the county came out and mistook my house for a landfill. That was kind of nice. While I was cleaning Chip was grilling out BBQ chicken outside. When he’d open the door I would secretly be sad because the chicken smell made me feel pukish but I wanted to eat it! Then when he brought it in it looked so good, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of pulling it off the bone to eat. So, I felt stupid for asking but I had to have Chip pull it off the bone so I could eat it. I felt like a weirdo and as much as I’d hope that Chip thought it was peculiar too, I’m sure he was just happy that I was happy and not telling him to take his yummy chicken and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Oh I’ve been evil. Who will be the President of Chip’s support group? I’ll be happy to make refreshments for the group if needed. We should have signs for people’s yards made that say “Prayers for Chippy.” It’s that bad.

Below are pics of the coast trip.
One of Hill being a silly goggled cowboy. One of the fish that was caught on our fishing outing (Hill and Ella). Then one of Hill lounging in my bed...so glad to be back home and in his element.

Doctors And More Doctors

May 2, 2012 So I’m out of my funk. Yesterday I had my 11 week appointment and things are just trucking along. I went by myself since it was a later appointment and we wouldn’t have been back to Kosy in time to pick up Hill from daycare. So Chip stayed behind since it wasn’t a milestone appointment.

My nausea has been bad but this past weekend I stopped taking my prenatal vitamin to see if maybe that was the culprit. I did feel a little better but then Monday morning it was like my body knew I had to hit the grind and I became puke-ish again. Dr. North got onto me about being a bad medicine taker. You have to understand though Dr. North getting onto you is like your sweet sweet grandmother asking you to turn down the tv a little bit because it’s too loud. He’s not mad, but you just don’t want to disappoint. Having to take folic acid 4 times a day on top of the prenatal vitamin is just so hard to remember! I have been really really bad about it for a couple weeks. I know….weeks. I really need one of those timers that remind me every 4 hours or something during the day. I guess setting the alarm clock on my cell phone would just be too convenient or something? Anyway, I’m doing the best I can with what I’m dealing with…which is me. I’m dealing with me the flip floppy hormonal vomity lump of me. It’s a rough job. Poor Chip.

Dr. North did a Doppler to hear the heartbeat. I remember it taking a few minutes to find at first when I was pregnant with Hill….it took forever and I cried. I was worried. MY BABY! WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?!! But this time I wasn’t worried. It took a really long time to find the heartbeat and Dr. North kept saying, “It takes a minute. It takes a minute.” I said it was ok, no worries. Honestly I was more worried about how sore I was going to be from him pressing so hard than if the heartbeat was there. I knew it was there, but I have lots of blubber and cellulite to Doppler through to hear a tiny 2cm beings heartbeat. I wasn’t worried. Sure enough it pounded on through the Doppler speaker and came in at 158 bpm. Perfect! Just 4 weeks ago it was 140 bpm this time it was 158 bpm. Right on track.

Other topics of conversation at the appointment were that last week my pharmacist / best friend, JJ, called and said my prenatal had been taken off the shelf. Lord have freaking mercy on my soul, only me right? My brain processed so many scenarios of what could be wrong with my medicine from rat poison to bug parts to causing brain damage to me and my unborn child. So I called the company and gave them the lot number on my current box of medicine and they said that nothing is wrong with my medicine that it was the labeling on the box. They forgot to write an ingredient on the box so they took it off the shelf. Seriously, this is my life.

Ok now to the latest and greatest pregnancy problem of the week. My leg. Sunday night I had two little spots on my right thigh that looked like poison ivy, they were about the size of two quarters side by side. This didn’t really worry me because I get poison ivy just by looking at it. I figured that Katie Lou went exploring outside in the back yard then came back in got in bed with me and being that she sleeps under the covers touched my leg and gave me poison ivy. Problem solved. But then Monday during the day it spread a bit. Looked yuck but whatever. By Monday night it was bad. It was hard, hot, raised, itchy and bumpy with tiny blisters. This was severe. Tuesday morning I showered, put cortisone cream on it and decided it was a larger more evasive scale of my chest rash that had gone away about a week before and not poison ivy. The chest rash lasted about a month and a half and itched like crazy – it went away by itself. By the time I got to Jackson on Tuesday midmorning the rash was an issue. The rash doesn’t go below my knee or into my groin area, just consumes my thigh, mostly the bottom half. It is weird and is a sight to see.

Dr. North said he’s never seen anything like that, but if we were in the 1960’s then he’d say it was German Measles but a) I’m immune to German measles b) he’s never seen German measles in his whole career and c) research shows that between 0-3 people in the U.S. annually actually get German measles. My luck I would be one of the RARE people that got it. I DON’T HAVE IT; I am immune to it just like the majority of the world that got their rubella shot at a young age….but I would be the one to get it. The effects on the baby would be catastrophic, deafness, heart defects, if they even survived then learning disabilities and awful things that I don’t want to think about.

So great, my rare funky painful rash is unknown and has no name. I was thinking maybe I would get to name it since it was my mysterious rash. Some people find stars or species and get to name them after themselves or make up words to call it…I wondered if I’d get to name my unidentified rash. Instead Dr. North coined it the generic “atopical dermatitis” aka “rash on your skin” and it will go away with continual moisturizing. Hey, works for me as long as it actually works! Today is Wednesday and the rash has officially leaked stuff and when I cough my leg throbs. It’s weird. If I start having any “strange” symptoms or high fever then I am to call Dr. North immediately. This is a broad statement because “strange” to me in a general sense is defined as “THIS RASH.” Not too sure symptoms could get any weirder than this thing looks.

I go back to see Dr. North on the 29th (4 weeks.) At that visit we will do the AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) testing which when I tell people we are having to do that they are so confused because their doctor never recommended they do it. Well neither did my doctor the first rodeo, but then my son was born with a craniofacial deformity which throws a flag in development and the fusing together of face, spine, brain, etc. so they are closely monitoring it this pregnancy. Should something come back abnormal then we will do the amniocentesis. I’ve been warned by other medical professionals and friends that there is a high risk of false positives in the AFP testing so not to worry if it comes back abnormal.

The plan is to do the testing at 16 weeks then at 19 weeks come in for a sonogram to see the formation and development of this sweet baby…and of course find out if it is a boy or girl. So these next few visits are biggies and a little unnerving. Please keep us in your prayers and specifically pray for the baby’s development and formation over the next few weeks. If you want to throw in a side bar prayer for the nasty rash on my leg that would be appreciated too, but don’t let it trump the prayers for the baby….ok!


May 10, 2012 I’m feeling a lot better. My good days are outweighing my bad, which is pleasant for everyone. I told one of Chip’s friends that we may need to start a support group for Chip because I have been so mean to him lately. I honestly can’t help it. I am just plain evil and have been taken over by demons. So, I don’t think I need an intervention because the first step is admitting that you have a problem….and I know I’m being ruthlessly mean. Maybe an exorcism would be appropriate?
Today is Thursday, and I’ve been feeling better since probably Sunday. Last Thursday the 3rd I ended up going to see Dr. Carter because my leg rash had me in tears. I felt awful, my bones ached, my entire leg hurt so bad I had to limp and I was throwing myself a big ol pity party which was a sucky pity party because there was no alcohol involved….or HEB sheet cake. (side bar: HEB is a Texas grocery store that makes boombostic chocolate sheet cakes with white icing and has healed many of my life’s problems with simply a fork and my best friend Mere)

Thanks to my friend Neely who is a nurse practitioner that I bombarded coming out of daycare Wednesday evening. I am sure she hates it when people are like (in my biggest redneck accent) “Neely, Hey Neely, I’ve got this rash, will you look at it to see what you think?” (then I hike up my skirt to show her) She said she’d thought it was cellulitis and it started streaking up my leg a bit so I needed to call Dr. Carter in the morning. Of course I went home researched cellulitis and I had already decided I needed to be hospitalized.

The next morning Dr. Carter confirmed it was cellulitis. A mild case. Which if this was a mild case and I was ready for amputation then I could not physically imagine what a “bad case” would be. I asked Dr. Carter if amputation was an option. He said no because I wouldn’t be able to chase 2 kiddos around. I tried to compromise with a peg leg. He didn’t budge. He gave me strong antibiotics to take 3 times a day which give me a headache, but have started the healing process so I guess I’m going to live. Yay for me! Boo for those that I’ve been mean to lately and were hoping that their death wish to me was coming true.

I asked him if I was being dramatic about it and he assured me I was. I love him. I wish I could carry Dr. Carter around in my pocket every day. He keeps me real.

Now days my thigh just looks like a purpleish/pink skin color with ashy white patches. It’s pretty.

And since I'm on a roll with talking about all my ailments and doctor visits I am glad to announce that my cardiologist contacted me and said that I am going to be alright. I have a double heart beat every now and then but most people do. He said he wasn't worried, that my heart is having to pump blood harder because of my being pregnant so that makes my random heartbeat more noticeable to me, but it's really always there. So that's good. I think?

Maybe I won't fall apart before November?!?

Don't Feel Sorry For Me...I'm Just Super Dramatic

April 27th. So I’m a little blah. Ok that’s a lie. I’m a lot blah. I’m super nauseated I may as well have the stomach virus sans diarrhea and constant vomiting – if that makes any sense. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to just go ahead and throw up 24-7 because from holding back it seems that when I do throw up it’s so viciously violent I literally pee my pants.
I’m not much of a happy spry guy today. I think I’m really really tired. Well I know I’m really really tired, I keep wondering – how in the universe am I going to keep this up until November? I need a vacation from myself I’m such a poo poo head. This pregnancy is nothing like Hill’s - - I am in constant worry and fear of everything from is he/she healthy? Cleft? No cleft? Syndromes? What am I going to do if this baby is a turd and cries all the time? How will this affect Hill? Why must I feel the need to throw up all the time, but can’t? I can usually throw up on a whim…why am I so scared to vomit?

I didn’t have these same worries with Hill. My worries with Hill were more like– what in the Holy name of Jesus do I do when he gets here? How will I know how to be a mom? I hope I don’t forget to take him out of the car or leave him somewhere. This experience is totally different. I’m more on edge. I think it’s because I knew that we’ve been a statistic before…we were the 1 in 600 that had a cleft baby. Why wouldn’t we be the 1 in 1,000 that have a down syndrome baby? A syndrome that is highly associated with clefts. Or the 1 in 88 that have an autistic child? Everything has become so prevalent we aren’t immune to any of it and it scares the Bah-Jesus outta me. I’m not trying to be like Chicken Little claiming that the sky is falling…I’m just a manic pregnant woman today.

I have to go back to the beginning. I would be perfectly alright with whomever God chooses me to be the mommy of but I think I’m more alert…not as naïve this go round about the problematic things. I know I am blessed and am so excited to be this little boogers mommy but I am scared out of my whits! Being an emotional blob that is tired and vomity doesn’t help. Giving it to God just sounds so easy but seriously impossible all at the same time.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m fine. I’ll get over myself in a minute just remember this is my blog. My outlet and my journal. I usually hold nothing back and it’s for my own benefit. I’m happy, nervous, scared, and ready just like I was with Hill but it’s a different happy, nervous, scared and ready. I’ve been there and done this before. It’s just that I’ve had to endure things emotionally with Hill that no mom should be subjected to and I think that is why it’s so seriously different this go round. Not in a bad way just in a more anxious way. My guard is up yet I’m not even fighting a real battle. I’m fighting an imaginary battle against clefts and syndromes and it’s wearing me out. I think I’m upset because I’m protecting this unborn baby from things that are beyond my protection, beyond my healing or kissing it better powers. The bottom line is that I have no control – this is my issue. I have control issues.

My name is Rachel and I have control issues. There. Now I feel better.

April Continued

Once we got home from Texas that Tuesday the 10th I was able to tell Whitney and JJ the news and they were both excited. They sort of thought maybe I was pregnant but couldn’t put their thumb on it to clarify. Then since all our secret people knew first we could go ahead and tell people. News spreads like wildfire in the Land of Koz. It’s always so awkward to me to be like…so, we’re having a baby. It’s the same kind of factual awkward as the other day when someone said, “Hill is just the most precious little boy!” And I said, “I know, isn’t he!” I even said I was sorry for being conceited about it, but I felt it true too. No need to lie!

We had a calm week until that Wednesday when my husband decided my car was too costly. I guess we were both tired of spending $600 cumulatively in gas each month as gas is nearing $4.00 and I drive a tank. Our car costs were about as much as our mortgage and that’s just silly. Not sure if Chip was having a mid life crisis or some type of meltdown but it became do or die. We looked at a used Cherokee, which Chip’s ulterior motive was future hunting vehicle for him. All of a sudden my 4x4 Platinum Sequoia that has everything but a snow plow on it wasn’t going to cut it. Chip still wanted a 4x4, still wanted all the bells and whistles and the Cherokee had that, but it smelled so weird I couldn’t drive it. I didn’t get a car because my super pregnancy spidey sense said it had a funny smell. I decided I wanted a minivan but I couldn’t sell Chip on it even though it would tow his fishing boat. He said he would lose his “cool points” if he drove a minivan. I didn’t even know Chip still had cool points. Whoever out there keeps track of Chip’s cool points please get up….cricket…chirp….chirp…cricket. Yup, that’s what I thought – no one gives a crap!

Ever since I drove that Jeep I’ve been nauseated sick. This whole pregnancy I’ve been sick, but that next morning, Friday, Hill came in as I was unsuccessfully trying to throw up and said, here mommy, here’s a napkin and handed me a wipe. Sweet little noggin. I hate he’s subjected to my vomit.

Saturday April 14th was my friend Hollee’s wedding. She was absolutely without a doubt the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. Everything about her and her special day was breathtakingly beautiful. The reception was at her parents’ house and there was a great band and wonderful food and a plethora of beverages that I could not partake in…which was really a good good thing because I may have made a fool of myself had I had the opportunity to indulge. The band was great and I danced and danced and danced and was told that I’m the best pregnant person ever. Sorry pregnant friends, but I am the most fun pregnant person I know! At least I was that night. I lasted all night and I drank Margarita Mix until I popped. I went home with the worst indigestion ever but it was certainly a fun night.
To wrap up the weekend we took Hill's boat out to the Country Club for a spin. He kept saying "This is MY boat." Just in case someone didn't see his name written on the back of it?!?! Bless his heart...

How Are We Going To Tell My Parents?

We decided to head to Texas for Easter for multiple reasons. The boat that my dad had made for Hill has been waiting for us to pick it up since January and then also, we wanted to tell my parents in person that we were with child. Last time we announced we were having a baby my step mom was confused and thought we were getting another dog and my mom was so excited that I was sad I wasn’t there to share her excitement in person.

It’s always so exciting but nerve wrecking to tell your parents you are having a baby. You hope that they will be overwhelmed with so much joy that they forget how you got that way. Eeeww. I’m pretty sure that when we told my dad we were pregnant with Hill he said something like he thought if he waited any longer he’d have to get diagrams to show us how to do it. I come from a from a family that is just like me…a tad random and a bit perverse and a lot of telling it how it is.

Anyway, I’d come up with this PRECIOUS idea that since it was Easter I’d get these larger plastic eggs to put a sonogram picture in and have Hill give them the egg. It was priceless…We arrived to my dads’ house and I was able to hide my heart monitor wires under my t-shirt and give “distant” hugs where my wires didn’t pose an issue of question when we hugged hello. We got settled in and went out to the patio. I could tell Chip was antsy to tell them so I went inside and got the egg for Hill to give my dad. My dad opened it and then shut it quickly and looked over at my step mom, Pam like….OHHH! So then he quietly handed it to Pam and she said "awe…" she didn’t really look at first she just thought it was a picture of Hill but then once she really looked she busted out crying she was so happy! It was really sweet. My niece Hannah got to be a part of it and everyone was so excited.

Hill and Hannah played all night and we all just crashed from the long day of travel and excitement. Saturday morning we had Easter since we would be on the road early Sunday morning. My mom came to my dad’s house and we were sitting in the living room and I had Hill bring her an egg but he opened it. So I snatched it back hoping she didn’t see it and had her open it. She was so excited!! She had a ton of questions and we explained the heart monitor and how Dr. North is being extra cautious. It was so good to finally have my family know. And it was so fun to get their reactions in person instead of over the phone. Hill and Baby #2 are the luckiest little kiddos I know to have such wonderful grandparents.

After the big announcement we went to eat brunch. You see, that’s what we do…eat. We plan most every move we make around food. So we had a wonderful brunch at La Madeline and then headed to the place to get Hill’s boat. It was located at my dad’s friend David’s house. David bought his house from my dad a long time ago so it’s always so weird to go back. It’s also so strange because it’s a few houses down from my grandmother’s house. I sure have lots and lots of memories there. I would literally call that road memory lane for me. Anyway, so we went to get Hill’s boat. It was more beautiful and more awesome than I imagined. We had talked so much about the boat that Hill immediately knew that it was his. He was like a mini Forest Gump, “That’s my boat” he’d say. So stinking funny!

Once we got back to the house Pam hid Easter eggs and Hannah, Hill and Mama Lou went out to find them. It was hilarious because Hill had his basket and Hannah had hers. Hannah’s had Easter grass in it and I personally don’t like to jack with all that stringy crap (it’s like glitter and sand – it's everywhere and doesn’t go away) so Hill didn’t have any. Hannah said, “Look, I’ve got grass in my basket.” Hill looked at her basket, then looked at his that didn’t have any then reached down on the ground and grabbed a wad of grass out of the ground and threw it in his basket and looked at Hannah and said, “I got grass too!” I may have rather cleaned up Easter grass than the muddy grassy mess he threw into his basket. It was priceless though and he sure as heck had grass in his basket not to be outdone by Hannah!
After the egg hunt Chip and my dad went to do boy things. I swear when they get together they are like long lost BFF’s. They crack me up and are inseparable. My mom left to go back home and Hill and I were going to visit my BFF Meredith and her little boy Asher. Asher’s 8 months old and he and Hill had never met so I was super excited. Mere already knew I was pregnant - - she was like the first to know. I think she may have even known before I did because she called me at like the beginning of March letting me know that she had a dream that I was having a girl and her name was Hadley and was all decked out in a tutu and I was having to get onto her about something. Hadley is a great name, but ironically enough there is a little girl a few days younger than Hill that is named Hadley, and even has our same last name. So either I was talking to that Hadley or I was having a little girl, but not named Hadley because two Hadley Hawkins’ in one little town would be too weird.

Anyway, so Hill and I loaded up to go to Mere’s and Hill said, “I take my boat?” I laughed by secretly inside knew where this whole boat obsession was headed. We didn’t take the boat… but I picked up lunch and we went to visit Mere and Asher. I had a ton of clothes to pass down for Asher so it was great that we drove and I could haul all that down to her. We have a great little rotation. I pass Hill’s clothes to Asher then Meredith passes them to Beth, my other life-long friend, that has a baby a few months younger than Asher then I will get them back for this kiddo. Mere gave me swings and things that she has that Asher doesn’t use anymore so it was a pretty productive baby exchange trip and I got to love on my little Asher and hang out with my Mere. That pretty much sums up a perfect afternoon if I’ve ever known of one!

I had to leave at around 5 but just in time for Gavino to get home and me to see him before I left. Gavino is Meredith’s husband and he has a large responsibility to not only provide and be there for my Mere, but he has the responsibility to take care of my people. Mere has always been “my person” and now what Asher is here that makes Mere and Asher my people. He has to take care of them for me since I live so far away. It’s a big job, but I love G and he does a good job!

I had to rush back to my dad’s house to pick up Chip so that we could go to his uncle John and aunt Kathy’s house for dinner. We love us some Houston Hawkins. They are tons of fun and we never miss a beat. Cousins Brooks and Graeme were there and are awesome. This is Hill’s second time to go to their house. He fit right in and did his thing. They went and picked up Mexican food for dinner and we had a big feast, as usual. We planned a trip to Africa, played trucks, went and dumped dead bodies in the dumpster and watched their Smart tv. Before I talk about the dead bodies I have to talk about the TV which I’m sure is all the rage and everyone knows about but remember we live in Mississippi, we barely have electricity and I don’t keep up with technology. A smart tv is where the pixels have the color yellow in them. This makes the picture look different because average tv’s don’t have but red blue and green. So with this yellow pixel it makes everything come to life. It almost looks like you are watching these people performing live on a stage. It would take some getting used to but I for sure think it is super cool. Ok so now that I’ve dumbed myself down because I wasn’t privy to smart tv….whatever.

The dead bodies…the night before the Hawkins “allegedly” had a crawfish boil and had a bunch of garbage sacks to be dumped. I told Kathy I’d help her take them to the dumpster. So we loaded up the truck and headed to the dumpster. She took me in this back alley and I’m pretty sure my finger prints are all over the garbage sack that I unloaded which housed a dead body. Crawfish trash does not weigh that much. I guess since I dumped the body Kathy was able to let me in on the secret that I was officially part of the family business now. Great, I’m in the mob. I always thought I was some big shot high roller in Vegas in my previous life, but I didn’t know I was a body dumping mobster. Oh well. The body now swims with the fishes - - or crawfish tails in the dumpster.

We had a great time, as always, with the Hawkins. John and Kathy are some of my most favorite people and Brooks and Graeme follow suit. I hope that we raise our kiddos to be as adventurous as this family is and see the world together as they have.

We arrived back at my dad’s house and went to bed only to wake up early and travel back home to Mississippi. Hill did great to and from on the trip. Thank you dvd entertainment center! Easter Sunday was my and Chip’s 6th year anniversary. We are the couple that totally forgot until that Friday on the way to Texas that it was our anniversary. Chip said, Oh yeah, our anniversary is Sunday. I said, Oh yeah…I didn’t get you anything. I love us.

I love Texas. I think my heart will always be in Texas even though I left there when I was 17 and I’ve been in Mississippi now for 14 years. I’m always going to be a Texan.

Pictures below are:
*Asher and Hill being silly with huge eggs on their heads
*Hannah and Hill by Hill's new vessel
*Hill's boat (yes that is a YETI cooler and I agree a 2 year old doesn't need a $260 cooler in his own personal boat) but none the less I am grateful.

April: Sonograms And No Showering

Then the big day! Tuesday, April 3rd was our next baby appointment and we got to have a sonogram! I’m not sure I’ve ever had to tt so bad in my whole life. I’d heard that you get a better picture of the baby if your bladder is full so I acted like a camel and just held it for days…or what seemed like days because when you are pregnant you hit up the potty every 45 minutes or so. It was show time and as Chip and I walked down the hall with the tech I felt the need to tell her how important it was that we see the baby’s face, our son has a cleft and I need to know to prepare for this baby and I have three dogs and once when I was little I rode my bike into the garage door and my grandma use to make the best fried chicken ever. I was nervous. I’m pretty sure I said all of that and more as we walked for like 10 seconds from the lobby to her sonogram room. She told me that I would need to remind the techs when they do sonograms about the cleft, but this time we wouldn’t get to see the face.

What? Why? Huh?

But I’d researched and the baby’s face forms between weeks 4-6 and I was determined I should be able to see something, anything! I was confused. I had to tt and I wasn’t thinking straight. It ended up my bladder was so full she couldn’t see anything and made me go empty it, thank God because it hurt so bad as she pushed on my bladder to see around. I don’t think I will do that again. So she checked around and all looked well then she went to the baby. It was itty bitty and not even in the form of a babe yet. She measured and he/she was only 1 cm long. How in the world am I supposed to see your face if you are 1 cm? How are you wrecking so much havoc on my body at only 1 cm? One centimeter, Seriously? It was the most precious centimeter I’d ever seen. I can say that and not show favoritism because I didn’t get to see Hill in utero until like week 13 and he was all grown up and in college by then. Seeing your baby for the first time whether in utero or in real life is always so surreal. It brings you back down a notch to be humbled and awed by God’s glorious miracles. We were glad to see all was well and that the baby had a heartbeat of 140 bpm. That was the first time we’d heard a heartbeat and we got to see the flutter of the heartbeat. So sweet. So neat. As soon as I got home I Googled 140 bpm boy or girl? Unfortunately 140 bpm is the median of the line so I can’t even sway one direction or the other.

After the sonogram, which we got pictures and have on DVD as if we were at Disney and got all the prizes to carry home, we went to see Dr. North. Dr. North said all my blood work and tests came back great from my original appointment. He went down the list and said I don’t have HIV or chlamydia or any funky transmitted diseases. So that’s a bonus….

He noticed my rash on my chest and said we’d keep an eye on it. It looked strange but not really poison ivy like. I could put cortisone cream on it if it would help. Then after discussing my heart palpitations he decided it is better safe than sorry and he wanted to send me to a cardiologist. No need for alarm, he thinks I just have anxiety but it’s become an issue and he wants to double check. I go back in 4 weeks.

The next day Dr. North’s office calls and has an appointment with a cardiologist, Dr. William Crowder lined up for Thursday the 5th. I felt like I needed to tell my boss what was going on since I hate secrets and don’t like to feel like a slacker at work. I needed to tell my boss but it was on the cusp of my friend, coworker, also the only other female in my department having a baby three days before hand. Barry was so excited. He loves it that people have babies and even though his daughters are in high school and college he can’t wait to be a grandpa. I literally have the best boss ever, I work for a fantastic family oriented company and I didn’t need reminding but Barry was sure to state that I do whatever I need to do because that little baby and my family come before anything else. That’s always good to hear. I get teary eyed every time I think about the CEO of my company hearing something was potentially wrong with Hill. He called me in his office and said that he and his family were joyous when they heard Chip and I were expecting and they still continue to be joyous and then he asked if he could pray with me. I sat in his office and prayed with him it was a calming moment and meant more to me than anyone will ever know. During my pregnancy is when the people I work with weren’t just coworkers anymore and my job wasn’t just a paycheck, it became working with family. Everyone was so supportive and it still continues to be that way. I am so fortunate to love what I do and work with people that I respect.

So off I went Thursday afternoon to the cardiologist. I was by far the youngest person there. When the nurse called me back she said, “do you have high blood pressure?” I said no and she said, why are you here? I explained my palpitations and being pregnant and preventative check-up. She took my blood pressure and it was 118/50 which was low, not bad, but low. Strange being that I was nervous and had such low pressure. The doctor came in and he was great. He’s like 38 and extremely down to earth. It was a breath of fresh air. We laughed and he said he has seen a handful of young healthy pregnant mothers with the same conditions. Usually it’s nothing to be alarmed about but he wanted to do a sonogram of my heart and have me wear a monitor for 48 hours. I assured him I didn’t want to do any unnecessary tests and if his word was that all was well then I could rest peacefully knowing that it’s ok and he didn’t need to do all these tests. He said he’d feel better doing them. So we did. I did the sonogram (and they called me the next day to say all was well) then as the lady was hooking the monitor that I needed to wear for 48 hours on to me she nonchalantly said, “You cannot take a bath for 48 hours.” Umm what? That was not part of the deal. It’s a good thing you caught me on a morning where I had enough time to shower! Otherwise I’d be a nasty grease monster going to visit my family in Texas this weekend! What was I going to tell my parents as they see me and then wonder why I have this random antennae probe coming out of my shirt. Turtlenecks in April?

Finishing Up March

The following week was alright. I continued to be tired more so than the last time and I came to the conclusion that it’s because this time I’m pregnant and chasing a 2 year old which makes me double tired. I was able to officially boycott Pizza Hut by round two of another Pizza acid episode. Not sure how long it will be before I can do pizza again. I will say that this baby is a carnivore. It wants to eat steak and hamburger meat 24-7. Specifically beef enchiladas from the Mexican restaurant.

Just so you know - - you cannot call Child Protective Services on an unborn child. Therefore I proceed to tell you that Saturday we were doing yard work and decided to till up the yard and plant new grass. So Chip went and got the disk that hooks up to the 4-wheeler and drove it around the back yard a bit. It wasn’t digging into the ground because it was too light. So he put a big concrete block on it. That didn’t help either. So he put his pregnant wife on it and it worked! I stood on the disk and held on to the 4-wheeler rack and it worked beautifully. Dangerous yes, productive - - absolutely. Productivity in the Hawkins household is priority #1.

Continuing on...Sunday the 25th of March we let the boys play at the country club again. So fun to watch the three of them do their thing. They all have their own little personalities and they are all so very different. Hill has become a bit of a dare devil and runs into the water to about his thighs then has this look of “whoa! What am I doing?” and turns around and comes back to the sand. I think he forgets he’s so tiny.

The week of the 26th was a doosie. I wasn’t prepared for my charming little Hill deciding to hit his terrible twos this week. Monday his teacher said that he was a little grumpy. He’d sure had a Monday. Me too, I think I had my pjs on by 5:30 that evening. Then Tuesday it was, well Hill had a bad Monday on a Tuesday.

Once he got home though he was amused because they came and put the top soil down in the back yard so we could plant grass. This meant that there were tractors at my house. Hill LOVES tractors. I do have to mention that it is zero fun having to wash the dogs feet every time they go outside from the mud. It’s not easy cleaning 12 paws to prevent sand and mud coming into every crevice in your house.

Then on Wednesday before 7:45 am Hill had two spankings and a time out. We usually don’t dish out spankings and for him to be so completely disobedient simply because he couldn’t “play” with Daddy’s contacts was just absurd. Chip and I had both had our limit of his snotty brat attitude. I have to admit that I was a little shaken because Chip never loses his cool and he was very unhappy. I’m always the pissy one and he’s never really been the spanker. After I dropped Hill off at school Chip and I regrouped and tried to figure out what in the world has happened to this demonic angel child. Chip figured it out. He said what have we done different lately? For a week or two before Hill started sleeping in his big boy bed. It started with my being so tired that Hill and I got ready for bed then we’d go lay in my bed to watch TV and go to sleep. Hill is an awful bed mate and usually ends up sleeping on top of your head or with a foot in your rib cage. I’d decided that we could move this sleeping party to his big boy bed and that way I can get up and go to my bed once he jabs me in neck with his size 6 foot. Chip hooked up the TV in Hill’s room and we’d go to bed in Hill’s big boy bed then usually anytime between 2:00 am – 4:30 am Hill would take his tiny self out of his bed and walk across the house to our room where we were very tired and grouchy and just stuck him in bed with us. NO ONE was getting a good night sleep. Therefore Hill’s demonic behavior MUST be due to change in routine and not getting a good night sleep.

Wednesday night we were so ready to put Hill in his crib and see if our theory was correct. He fussed a little bit about getting in his crib again because he liked the big boy bed it made him feel grown and independent (which was a bit of the problem too, I’m sure.) But the kid slept like a dream. I had to go wake him up the next morning for school he was sleeping like a rock!

I’m not a psychologist but I think maybe I have decoded the terrible twos from happening. It’s only one word. Routine. Don’t break routine. Any change of pace or surrounding will cause bad bad evil mutant things to come out and embed in your toddlers being. It’s awful so we’ve decided to let Hill sleep in his crib until the 8th grade.

That Thursday when I went to pick Hill up at lunch his teacher said he did MUCH better and that we hopefully had solved the issue. I don’t usually pick Hill up at noon but we had his follow up appointment with Dr. Shell to go to! Hill was so excited to go see Dr. Shell. He kept saying, “I go see Dotter Shell” all the way to Memphis. We walked in the office and Hill said to Penny the receptionist, “Where Dotter Shell? I see Dotter Shell.” I’m pretty sure that the people in that office love us just as much as we love them. Penny shows Hill off to all the other patients. She said to one lady, “This is our baby. We’ve had him from the beginning.” As if he was their poster child….which he is. This was the first time we’d seen them since October. They were still talking about Hill’s Christmas card and how precious it was. They always goo and gahh over Hill and he eats it up.

They called us back to the exam room and I stopped by the bathroom and by the time I walked into the exam room Dr. Shell had already examined Hill and was wrapping up! I only tt’d and was 4 doors down – it cracks me up that we are only there 3 ½ minutes. Maybe I should just send a photo of Hill? Just kidding I love those guys and don’t mind driving so far even for just a second. Dr. Shell said everything looked great. His lip was still swollen (yes even nearly a year later) and he expected it to be that way a few more months. Dr. Shell never commits to if we will need another surgery yet or not because the healing process takes so long. His lip changes monthly, it’s true. All the landmarks are lined up and the redness has gone almost away so now we just wait on the swelling to see how the lip lays. We go back in August. In the mean-time keep lots of sunscreen on his lip to protect the scar from the sun. Good Check Up for my Boy!

Friday rolled around and I was so ready for the weekend. We’d had resident evil living with us at the beginning of the week and then traveling to Memphis and working I was exhausted. I’m pretty sure I was in bed at like 8. I think people came over to my house, but I have no idea as I had no energy to see who Chip was talking to. I was a Debbie Downer….my back hurt and there was this funky rash on my chest. I was ready to sleep off the week and wake up to Saturday.

Saturday was supper club at the Pettit’s. I’m sure everyone knows I’m pregnant. If they don’t then I will give myself too much credit for thinking I’m sly like that….which I’m not. JJ is pregnant too, she told us at the February supper club. It’s so funny because Hill and Harvey are 6 days apart and now these babies will be a few weeks apart. At dinner Harvey announced he’s having a sister (which they haven’t found out yet) and so Hill said that he’s having a brother. Umm, that silly Hill what is he talking about? Why would he say that? Trying to cover it up. We still hadn’t told anyone! We hadn’t really even told Hill. We’d asked Hill if he wanted a baby and he said No, that he was the baby and crawled into my arms like a baby. I am not a good liar and I hate secrets. I guess I did a good job of hiding my secret? It’s not like I drink a whole lot anyway. Most of the time people never notice if I drink or not because I have to be in the mood. I’m usually chasing Hill around because I wish he lived in a bubble so I usually don’t have but one or two if I do drink. I may have given it away though by the amount of food I ate. They did a fish fry and I ate my weight in fish, French fries and hushpuppies.

The next afternoon we went to the country club to play with the Pettit’s and Warrington’s again. This seems to be our Sunday Spring/Summer thing and I LOVE IT. Although before we went to the C.C. I took a nap with Hill and was abruptly woken up by my heart beat. My whole body was a huge heartbeat that throbbed my whole being so strongly that it woke me up. I had Chip feel my heart and he said it was racing. If there is one thing that Chip doesn’t take for granted it is heart issues. He was ready to take me to the doctor but I decided to wait since I had an appointment coming up on Tuesday with Dr. North. It shook me up a little but I would seek medical attention if needed and I just didn’t think it was time yet.

Back to the grind, Monday we signed up for swim lessons. I am so excited that Hill is old enough to get lessons locally by one of my sweet friends, Chris. Chris actually used to teach for the swim school in Jackson that Hill went to last year. She taught there when it was in the owners’ back yard before it became a commercially owned swim school. So we are excited that we get the same caliber of lessons without having to drive 140 miles round trip for 30 minutes one day a week for 16 weeks. These lessons are for an hour for 5 consecutive days. I don’t have to get in the water and should we want Hill to have extra lessons then we can register for another class later on. Yay for Hill!
My next post will begin with April...and our sonogram appointment!

March 20, 2012 - The Confirmation

Chip and I went to visit Dr. North on Tuesday, March 20th. My regular annual visit was scheduled for March 3rd, but being that I knew we were trying I figured I would be 5 weeks come the 20th so I rescheduled hoping to know more. We got to the doctors’ office and Chip remembered where his “waiting area” was so he found his old/new cubby hole and waited for me to do my routine pee in a cup- - take blood pressure - - get blood work done.

Ms. Katie Brown, everyone’s ray of sunshine, was there to greet me and hug me just as she does everyone and has for over 45 years. She is a true angel. As I sat in the chair waiting for my blood work to be done she was the one to bring over the paper confirming my expectations that my urine test was positive. I unknowingly gave out a little giddy giggle and the lady about to take my blood smiled and said, “Let’s get you some different paperwork and take extra blood!” It’s a fun different feeling when you see it on paper, not like I didn’t know, but it just became more real! I’m pretty sure I said a little “Yay!” and did a little tapping jig with my feet as I always do when I’m excited or eating good food.

Dr. North came into the exam room with a sweet smile and joyous congratulations to us! Expecting no less than 6,000 questions from me, Dr. North was very sympathetic, as always, to my spastic OCD list of questions and nonsense. Although I did surprise myself by getting more emotional than I thought I would. I’ve had the talk with myself about how I was prepared for whatever and ready, yadda yadda yadda but once the words came out of my mouth to another human that my baby may have a craniofacial deformity - - I lost it. My questions of being a high risk pregnancy and wanting more sonograms may have been more of a public outcry than kind request. Dr. North in all his wisdom said he was trying to place himself in my shoes and understand but at the same time he didn’t want me to obsess over the development of my baby. We would do sonograms, but not every 2 weeks for my mental stability – I’d go insane and stress myself out. He was right.

He suggested we do AFP (alpha-fetoprotein) testing at 16 weeks. I don’t know if this is normal protocol as I can’t remember if we had this done with Hill or not, but it just checks the development of the neural tube (brain & spine formation) to make sure everything closes and is covered with skin and bone appropriately. Being that a cleft happens when formation of the mouth and nose don’t fully come together…I assume this developmental test will give us more of a heads up?!? I tried to non-freakoutingly ask how this test was performed. Just blood work. Whew, fabulous. I was picturing an amniocentesis with a huge ass needle going in my stomach and in my vivid visualization I all of a sudden became a magic act trick where the needle would go all the way through my body out the other side and I would rotate while floating in the air. I can handle blood work, no prob. At all. Yet, if the test does come back abnormal then I would have the amniocentesis and probably by that point I’ll either be in a medically induced coma due to mental issues or willing to do whatever I need to do -- you know that “mama can take on the world adrenaline” that starts pumping when needed. I’ve had that feeling way too many times in Hill’s short little 2 year life. God sure is smart for having created adrenaline…so interesting how you can lift cars and climb sky scrapers by a triggered emotion and a gland in your body.

So anyway, we have a plan and you all know how much I like plans. The cherry on top of the plan was that I get a sonogram on April 3rd (two weeks from my March 20th appointment.) That is 6 weeks sooner than I got my first sonogram with Hill (at week 13.) I’ll try not to push my luck with the Sonogram God’s but I sure hope I can find out everything about this baby top to bottom -side to side - eyeball to booty crack before he/she even gets here. I feel like I somewhat deserve that…maybe? Maybe I should be nonchalant like I was with Hill? I know it’s all in God’s hands but I just want to watch Him work…you know, maybe be the supervisor on the construction site. The general contractor of sorts. Keep an eye on things. Strange analogy? Yes. Give me a break, I’m pregnant.

Back to the appointment. I filled Dr. North in on how I knew I was pregnant 8 days after conception because I was nauseated starting at 4:00 pm on the dot Tuesday, March 6th as I traveled from Jackson back to Kosciusko from work. I thought I had eaten something bad, but my lunch was so good, a gyro from Kristo’s with extra sauce. Yum! So it couldn’t be that. I text my friend Hollee to tell her I couldn’t make the JA meeting I must have eaten something bad. She text back that I was pregnant and I told her that it must be the Son of God then. There was a little ‘LOL’ smiley face and haha in there, but she was right. Then the next day I ate lunch at the Café with a friend and there was an onion grown from the roots of hell that over powered my nose hairs. I commented to my friend about it and she said, “I don’t smell it, you must be pregnant.” WHAT? What was she talking about? That’s silly talk. Change the subject. Thursday I bought every stick to tt on that CVS offered. They were all negative. Stupid tests, you don’t know what you are talking about. I really think I told one of them that out loud like it would be offended at its uselessness. So Friday morning I called my trusty neighbor, my nurse, my friend, my angel Leigh Ann to explain to her what I knew. She said blood work would tell all.

She was right the blood work told all and confirmed my theory! I wanted to tell Chip, but the next day (Saturday, March 10th) was my birthday and I wanted to do something special since Chip had plans to take me out to dinner and a movie.

We went to Madison to see the silent movie “The Artist,” it was really good. Definitely not something I’d have picked for my birthday but I’m glad we went to see it because it was surprisingly fantastic. We decided to hit the matinee up first then eat dinner so we didn’t have a late night and could pick Hill up at Chip’s dads before 9:00. (The beauty of being an old Mamaw.) Once we got to the restaurant, Ely’s, I “had to go to the bathroom” which really meant that I had to give the waitress a fake special menu and explain to her what I was doing.

Tonight’s Specials
March 10, 2012

Sugar and spice and all things nice
Or
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails

Guess we will find out soon enough what we can have!

The waitress brought this card and Chip didn’t get it. I thought it was cute, but he didn’t get it. He thought that maybe it was like a clue to a guessing game for what tonight’s special was. Seriously? I can not believe I’ve kept this a secret for over 24 hours and you don’t even get my cutesy way of telling you! I was shattered. He knew I was disappointed that he didn’t get it. So once I explained it to him he was in shock.

Honestly had I not had time myself to go through the emotional motions and take a few steps back from the realization of bringing another life into this world to care for I’d have been extremely upset at his reaction. You know the uhh what the hell was I thinking? Wait, this is what we wanted. Wow, that was fast (fertile mertyle.) Holy mother we are having a baby and I’m not prepared. Oh gosh, we are having a baby. Then once it had time to absorb the shocked look never left his face but he was excited.

I continued on chronologically with Dr. North that the nausea since that Tuesday the 6th hadn’t gone away, I didn’t need to throw up but I was just not ok. It was constant. Day and night 24 hours just blah for a solid week and a day. Then we went over to our friends’ house Wednesday night the 14th for a pizza party only to be woken up at 3am Thursday morning by pizza acid shooting me out of bed to finally throw up. It wasn’t a really successful throw up because I still felt blah but then Thursday afternoon it was like a light switch. I was well. Yet then I started feeling like my blood pressure was up. I don’t know what this feels like, but I assumed my symptoms were blood pressure - my heart palpitated non-stop and my face was going to burst off my neck. The lady at the cosmetic counter Friday asked if I needed anything for my red undertones. What red undertones I replied? I don’t have red blotchy skin. She kindly handed me a mirror to show me how my cheeks were blood red. Oh, um, Hmmm, must be my blood pressure I said. Not knowing what the H E double hockey stick I was talking about. I decided to run to Target where they have everything, including someone that could take my blood pressure. The pharmacist took my presh-ah and said it was fine, but I knew I wasn’t feeling normal. Suck it up you’re fine you hypochondriac psycho pregnant lady.

Plus I couldn’t be “not ok” because Chip was on the coast that weekend and it was just Hill and me so I had to be tough. Hill and I hung out and went and played with Harvey and tried to go to bed super early because my tiredness is uncontrollable. We made pillow pallets in the bed and watched Mickey, Dora, & Yo Gabba Gabba and I never wanted that time to end.

So there we were….Tuesday, March 20th in the doctors’ office summing up my every life move to Dr. North since the conception of this child - I’m so sure that he’s missed the stew outta me.

This Is The Blog Post

This is the blog post to tell you why I haven’t blogged. This is the blog post that tells you that the demons I’ve been fighting are actually me. This is the blog post that spills the beans that Hill is going to be a big brother. This is the blog post that opens the door and rears its ugly head to every hormonal emotion I’ve had over the past 2 months.

Warning: It’s not pretty and it’s for sure a roller coaster. Also, you will find yourself praying for Chip’s poor soul a lot.

So here it goes. The diary of my journey through my second pregnancy. It is nothing like the first rodeo everything is different, the feelings, the worries and the fears they are are all different. My emotions are raw and some wounds reopened and rehashed but new lights shed on both the old and new obstacles.

I will post sections of my diary as I can, I have about 15 pages so far. I’ve titled the start of my post as
….Selfish? Maybe.

Even though I cannot tell anyone yet because I don’t know for a fact myself…I’ve decided to go ahead and document from the beginning of this pregnancy, what I’m feeling, when things happen, how nauseated I am. Some things may be too much information, but if you’ve met me then you would expect nothing less.

The first day of my last period was February 14th or 15th, I can’t remember exactly but it was right before our trip to Las Vegas; I remember because I love traveling and changing tampons, that’s fun. Chip and I decided that Vegas was going to be our time. We hadn’t had a trip alone together since our honeymoon. Ok that’s a lie we did go to Tunica, MS alone to gamble Mother’s Day weekend in 2010. Hill was like 4 months old. We were driving distance for the next feeding should something go awry so I don’t really count that as a vacation, trip yes, but vacation no.

Wait, hold on…I just realized any away from home trip without Hill that we’ve planned has been gambling related (Tunica then Vegas.) We really aren’t big big gamblers anymore but I guess we sound like some craps addicted junkies that roll the dice and say, “Hill needs a new pair of shoes!” Ok that’s not how it really happens…we play blackjack…and I only exclaim that my son needs shoes when the dealer is letting me down.

I digress. If I were to stop this post here you’d think I’m an impregnated gambling addicted mom that last had her period on Valentine’s Day. Classy.

So as I was saying Vegas was going to be our time. For months, well really years now that Hill is two, Chip has wanted another baby. I on the other hand have struggled with the emotional roller coaster I went through while pregnant then after Hill’s birth. I can’t help but remember how alone I felt during my pregnancy and how disconnected Chip was from me. I know this time will be different for us. Let’s be honest 2009 was a rough year. I’d try to get him involved in picking out names or putting the nursery together, but Chip’s mother was sick, he was back in school, his mother passed away….this pregnancy was planned and I decided I couldn’t put myself through that isolation again. Selfish? Maybe. It was not exciting for him; but it wasn’t that he was not excited. He couldn’t understand the big picture that there was a baby growing inside of me, a life, something we created, it moves and kicks! It’s a little miracle. After Hill’s birth Chip comprehended what he’d missed out on.

I was 34 weeks when we found out about Hill being a cleft baby, oh just thinking about that day makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach flip. There were so many tears, questions, fears. This was any parents fear coming to fruition, something is wrong with your baby. That day Chip became more involved in the well-being of our baby, it was real. Fight or flight became a fight - and I needed a fighter more than anything. I was no longer alone. He told me that he didn’t understand, all he was worried about was 10 finger and 10 toes and healthy, he couldn’t be excited until he saw it. He’d say that all the time. He apologized and swore it would never be that way again and wanted another child probably since Hill’s 1st birthday. I was still undecided and this had to be a mutual decision.

Hill being a cleft baby has touched my life in so many ways. I’ve experienced such strong emotions of fear, happiness, love and sadness but I would not change one iota of Hill, he is perfect. He has taught me so much. I have the perfect son and I would do it over six gajillion times again to have the same outcome of the most precious child I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t change the fact he has a cleft, strange to hear that huh? It makes him who he is. Of course I would want to take away the pain he endured from his surgery, but even when kids bump their noggin’s what mama doesn’t want to take away the pain? I cannot lie, I hurt inside for the “what if” scenarios that don’t even exist should kids pick on him down the road for having a “different” lip….yet what mama doesn’t want to protect her child from any harsh words or harm?

You see I’ve come to realize that my struggles are no different than your struggles as a mother. It’s taken me a longtime to overcome my fears of putting another child through the same pains that Hill has endured or may endure in the future. Again, Selfish? Maybe. I say I’m willing to take that chance of having another cleft baby. I’ve prayed. I’ve researched. I’ve dug deep into my soul for God to give me the answer of what I should do, am I ready? Is this what I need to do?

Amazingly enough I found the answer looking right into my eyes every day, stealing my heart, making me laugh, and being my world. Hill Hawkins you are God’s creation and so perfect. Why wouldn’t I want another bundle of happiness in my life? It would be selfish of me to not have more happiness, right?! Well at least one more happy, I don’t want to have too much happiness that I can’t handle it.

Hopefully the odds are in our favor to have a baby without a cleft, but should he/she be a cleft baby I will joyfully kiss that big ol crooked mouth four thousand million times a day just like I do Hill’s.

Please join me in my prayers for God to lay His hand on this unborn child. Pray with me as He helps this baby to form and grow that His will be done with all of His glory. Amen.

Secret Blogging

You think I have abandoned my blog don't you? Evidentially the Internet villains think I have jumped ship too because they are constantly spamming my comments.
Well the truth of the matter is that I've been secretly blogging. I have about 10 typed pages of top secret journal entries that I will share with you all soon. It's all very exciting but I'm fighting some demons too.
I'll leave you hanging.....

Miss you!

My Birthday

Looky looky what I got for my Birrff-Day from my sweet husband.
It just takes my breath away every time I walk in my house - Love it!

Lucky Clothes

For those of you that don't know...because we have such awesome friends that have boys a year or two older than Hill we have hit the jackpot when it comes to clothing our son. I can probably count on my fingers how many clothes I've bought for Hill over the past two years. We are fortunate to say the least.

Yet now we are double whammy lucky because our fabulous friend (and Hill's Godmother) has decided to learn how to sew. And so guess who will be sporting Mrs. Whitney's latest fashion designs?
This little guy!!! How pimptastic are these pants?!? Love them!

Mississippi Pickers

Amongst all my Spring cleaning (since I've been wearing shorts one day and jackets the next) I made the Executive decision that Chip and I need a big dresser for our bedroom. This way maybe Chip and I can finally share a closet instead of him having to walk across the house to the guest room closet. (How nice of me, right?)
With that said, I'm in the market for a used dresser. One I could paint or stain or whatever crafty people craft to make things work. So Saturday morning when Hill woke up at 4:15 am I decided to read the local paper and check out the garage sale hot spots. At 6 am Hill and I loaded up, got donuts and hit the American Pickers Highway. We didn't have any luck. The only loot we got was a free action figure and a chance to hang out with some cows.
With that said I still need a dresser so if any of you have one...cheap...let me know.
Here is a picture of our adventure.

Paging Dr. Hill

Foster had to go back to the vet today because he has this awful 'hark' that he cant kick. It's so bad, especially when you are dead asleep -- it makes you sit up straight in bed and jump out of your skin in the middle of the night. There is no way to explain it except it's as if he has a hippopotamus lodged in his throat.

Dr. Andy calls it his 'old man cough.' Since he's 10 we decided to do a thorough check up - blood work, X-rays, the full Monty. This way if it's something we'd catch it, but if it's nothing we'd have a baseline for future illness. Good news is that x-rays show it's fluid in his heart that can be dried up with a couple doses of Benadryl. All his levels from blood work were fantastic too! He's a picture of 112 pound health.

Foster was a trooper and Hill has found his calling. He checked Foster's tonsils with a tongue depressor "Say Ahhhhh Boss-der" and then he decided that he needed to 'cut him' in half with it. Foster was in good hands today.

Just A Tad Bit OCD

I have noticed Hill lines up his muffins at breakfast and straightens things that sit caddy corner on a table but Friday was the Mother of all Mothers.
Hill was quietly playing in his room and Chip went to check in him. In an uh oh tone of voice Chip called for me to come here please!!!
This is what we saw....Good thing Whitney was at the house to assure me he is going to be alright. That just because he lined up EVERY toy across his room in a straight line all facing the same direction was no need for flipping out.

What Is In A Name?

Me: What's your name?
Hill: Hill Hawkins
Me: What's Mommy's name?
Hill: Hill Hawkins Mommy
Me: What's Daddy's name?
Hill: Chip

I'm not sure what's more hilarious, him saying Hill Hawkins Mommy or that he referred to Chip by his real name.

I'm getting use to Hill's friends calling me Hill's Mommy. There's something so sweet and prideful about the sound of that. So glad my name will always be Hill Hawkins Mommy!

Hill's Birthday Day!

So I'm a little past a month overdue, but I cannot NOT post about Hill's birthday on January 12th.  My tiny, itty bitty, silly sweet baby is two!

The birthday boy woke up bright and early and the first words out of my sweet 2 year olds mouth were, "Ride Papa's foh wheeewah!!"

The child is 100% boy and is obsessed with Chip's dads new 4 wheeler that's been at our house. So what do we do? We get dressed and Chip takes him for a spin around the neighborhood.  About 3 minutes after they are gone Chip comes back in and let's me know that they have a morning mission and need my help.  There is a tree down across our neighbors road and Hill wants to save the day by moving it for them.  Chip gathers a chain saw and other equipment and we head to where the tree is.

First, I call my neighbors so they don't freak out when Chip cranks up the chain saw at 7 am thinking the Texas Chain Saw Massacre is about to be reenacted. They are grateful for the call and the removal of the tree.   Here are my boys hard at work.  Well, Chip is hard at work the rest of us supervised and photographed.

Hill supervising the tree moving while Chip is in the background sawing.

The supervisor...
Doing a great job dad!  Keep up the good work

As if that wasn't fun enough!  I made cupcakes for Hill's class to eat at snack time to celebrate! Those kiddos are so sweet and crack me up.

Rowan

Rhett

Britton

Drake

Milly

Baylor

Maci

AND THE BIRTHDAY BOY!!!

He had a great 2nd birthday day.  

The birthday week continued on after I went to pick up Mama Lou at the airport so she could help us celebrate and the events kept getting better as Mimi, Papi and Hannah flew in and then even better building up to the BIG CIRCUS BIRTHDAY PARTY on Saturday! 

Birthday party pics to come!